Making Up For Lost Time...

A Year...

2011-06-05T10:09:00.000-07:00

Wow--and entire year has gone by and I haven't blogged once! That is crazy! Too busy playing games on FaceBook I guess to worry about blogging...

SO much has happened--couldn't even begin to list it all. Lost both my biological mother and my adopted dad this past year. Karin passed away in July and Dad finally passed in February. It was a blessing for both--they had suffered a lot in the past couple of years...

Sierra got her license and we have been trying to buy her a car since October! And as of the third of June I now have TWO high school graduates!! Yep--Sierra walked on Friday! She has been on cloud 9 for the past week--just SO excited about graduating! Her sister went to Disneyland last week with Eddie and got her a flashing lanyard that says "Class of 2011" with a little graduation cap on the end and it lit up in LED colors! Sierra LOVED it and wore it proudly as she walked and all through the ceremony! Had to laugh!

Sierra and Eddie have broken up for good it seems. There has been so much drama over the past four years with their relationship and since he came home from basic she has not been sure about how she feels about him or whether she really wanted to get married so young. She has decided to be single for now and he was devastated at her decision. Not sure what will happen in the long run so just have to let God work in their lives and of course He will see them both through this also..

Eddie has been chosen to be on a special detail through the National Guard and is now on personal security detail (PSD) for high-ranking officials in the Guard and elsewhere in the state. He also just received the Governor's Outstanding Soldier award this weekend, so he is doing well there. Since Sierra and he broke up, however, her sister Jordan and he have become bosom buddies. Jordan's best friend Emilee is dating Eddie's best friend Josh so they are always all hanging out together. It has been good for Jordan to have these guy friends in her life, because just the other day I realized that she has NEVER had guy friends before! Wow! I can't even imagine that myself! Last week Eddie and Jordan took a spontaneous trip to Disneyland--she paid for gas and he paid for their tickets! They had a BLAST!!!

Jordan has been growing up a lot in the past year. She has two years of MJC behind her and after she gets in her 50 hours of internship at a preschool she can be certified as a preschool teacher. She has decided that she likes her hair very blonde and this last time we added pink to the under layer--too cute! She is such a cute girl I can't believe some lucky guy hasn't snatched her up already! She has a servant's heart and is always ready to step in and fill the gap and serve where needed, quietly and without need of recognition.

We have a grandbaby that fills our lives with love and laughter now--Raven was born February 7, 2010 and she is the light of our lives! She loves her Aunty Jordan best--J has been the one who has taken care of her since day one. Practically moved in with Raven's parents for the first 2 months after she was born to help out. Raven is here 3-4 days a week and she prefers J over all of the rest of us! Well, she loves her Aunty Sierra too--I'm Nana and I'm ok but she wants the girls over me any day!! :)

I gave up my Tahoe a few months ago--had to file bankruptcy to try and get out debt under control. Sierra is heading off to college in the fall and I am hoping that I will be able to have the money she needs to do it... She wants to go to CSU East Bay and has been accepted into the pre-nursing program there, but after reading her financial aid package I am beginning to wonder if her housing was included in her grants and stuff. I am afraid it isn't so now not sure how she can go there... *sigh* I hate money--it is always the reason I have troubles. Lack of it, actually, is the problem! I need to hit the Super Lotto or whatever so my girls won't ever have to worry about money and can do what they want and achieve their dreams without any issues...

Anyway. Pretty much it for now--can't go into all the stuff cuz who would care? And this blog is mainly for myself anyway so I know what happened and I don't need to write it ALL down now do I?! ;)

I Remember...

2010-05-31T17:04:00.000-07:00

I remember the lists that would run on the evening news, listing the names of the casualties and MIA's during the Viet Nam war. We would watch, praying that there wouldn't be a name we knew in that list. I remember standing on the four square court the day that President Nixon declared the end of the war. I was in 6th grade, and I remember thinking, as I stood under a blue sky in the shade of a large almond tree, "So this is what peace feels like" and savoring it, the knowledge that there wouldn't be any more lists of names of young men who had lost their lives for a cause none of us really understood.

I remember the day I told my youngest daughter that the young man she considers her big brother had shipped out to Iraq. I remember her sobs and how helpless I felt as I watched her succomb to her fears of losing her brother to a war she didn't understand, and I remembered...

Today is a day to remember. I still have a daughter in the Air Force and a future son-in-law in the National Guard. I am incredibly proud of them and their service to our country, but I pray that they will never be called on to defend us again in a war that doesn't make sense. Because I remember...

Random Thursday...

2010-04-15T12:53:00.000-07:00

I am cooking a pot of beans for dinner. We had ham for Easter and I had the bone in the freezer and it sounded good, so I scrabbled everything together and threw it all in the crock pot to simmer for the rest of the day.
As I was feeding the dogs the fat and rind scraps from the left-over ham that I added to the pot, I couldn't help but feel at peace. Each dog sat so politely, waiting for their handout, and I was over come with a great sense of well-being. What is it about having pets that makes one feel so good? I don't know, but I have plenty to keep me happy, that's for sure!

My husband says we have way too many pets. If I am forced to look at it from a practical angle I have to admit he is right. Who in their right mind has SIX dogs, as well as three cats, a couple of rabbits, birds, and a tortoise to boot? Well, um, that would be me, but really each one of my critters has their place in the family and there would be a hole if I was to lose one.

I have been home now for almost four months. I haven't had that much time off at one time since my last daughter was born almost 17 years ago! It's going to be hard to go back to work full-time next month, and the dogs are going to have to readjust to not having Mom home with them all day. I think it will be hardest on my littlest dog Jaz. She is my baby in more ways than one. If I am sitting down she is usually in my lap. When I get up she follows me throughout the house, and when I go to bed she is right there next to me. If she thinks I am leaving for any reason she is trying to leap into my arms and begs to go with me! Yep, it will be hard for all of us...

Besides spending quality time with the dogs I have been re-discovering the joys of cooking. Since having the gastric bypass surgery last month I am limited on what I can eat, but that doesn't mean my family has to suffer! So I have been poring over recipe books looking for things I can cook for them that I, too, can eat. It has been a challenge! My crock pot has been getting used a lot because meat that is cooked in liquid becomes very moist and is easy to eat--very important to a gastric bypass patient!! The great thing is that I can still cook nutritious and satisfying meals for my family without feeling the need to indulge myself in what I am cooking. This not being hungry thing works for me, let me tell you!! And since I am now much more conscious of what is in the food that I cook I am really cutting back on my family's carbs and sugars, which means we ALL benefit from my surgery!

I am home by myself today--well, that is, I am home with the dogs by myself--and I have to admit I love the quiet! No kids, no husband, no TV blaring in the family room. When I am home alone I don't even listen to the radio. I just savor the silence. I clean a little, find a new recipe to try out on the family, read a book, play on the computer, and just enjoy the peace... When I go back to work I won't get these days any more, and truthfully I need time to myself. No one really gets that because everyone in my family are people-persons! My youngest refuses to stay home by herself, my oldest gets bored, and my husband--well, he just hates being alone period. Me, I love it--always have since the first time my folks let me stay home by myself while they took a little over-night trip when I was around 16. Truth be told, I never saw myself getting married--thought I would live near a beach with a dog or two and be a writer. Thirty years later I have two kids, a mortgage, a husband, and chaos around me pretty much all the time! Life is good--unexpected, maybe, but good. Just not quiet! And still working on the writing thing. Lots of ideas, even some good stuff, just nothing published...

At least I still have my dogs... :~)

Catching Up

2010-02-22T09:45:00.000-08:00

Wow--so much has happened since I blogged last! So how do I catch it all up in a few paragraphs? Let's see...

Jordan is now in her second semester at MJC. She had to take some random courses her first semester, which is pretty normal I guess, but her second semester she actually got some good core courses that will transfer to a four year college. She goes to classes 3 days a week (M-W) so that she can keep her Thursdays free to help my sister with her grand babies. She hasn't had to pay for ANY of her classes yet--I'm not really sure why other than she may have gotten a Board of Governor's Waiver. I was told she could get it her first semester, but both? I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth!

Sierra joined cheer leading this year at RCHS. Well, actually, let's back that up. I stepped up and volunteered to be the coach because there was no cheer leading team at all at the school. Sierra and several girls signed up last year but when she asked about it this year she was told since there wasn't a coach they couldn't have a team. I called the athletic director and scheduled an appointment, for which he was 20 minutes late. I had to practically argue for the chance to do this and then he said we could only have a cheer "club" since I wasn't a qualified coach. Ok, whatever. The first day of practice 13 girls showed up, and it turned out that one of the girls' mom was a former professional cheerleader. She offered to help and the next thing I know the AD is fawning all over her and offering to PAY for HER to take classes and be the coach. Hello? Why wasn't this offered to ME? I was offended, but let it go. I settled for assistant coach and did what I could to help. She made her daughter, a freshman AND new to the school, a captain which didn't sit well with most of the girls. Supposedly they "voted" but when the girls were asked about it later only one of them had voted for this girl to be captain. Hmmm. Granted, she has experience, but when the girls asked for a vote for new captains when basketball season started they were told "no". It was when they decided to add dance/stunts into their routines that trouble really started.

Sierra has had almost ten years of dance. She got frustrated by the way the coach tried to count out the dance steps and voiced her frustration out loud in front of the team. The rest of the girls would then agree that it was confusing or whatever, and the coach would then do it the way Sierra said it should be done. By then many of the girls didn't much care for the coach and her attitude--she definitely had favorites and treated them as if they did no wrong but either put the other girls down or just ignored them. She didn't have a clue how to deal with my daughter and chose to suspend her for being "disruptive", etc.

What pissed ME off was that at no time was I informed of this decision--I didn't get a phone call, a letter, a face-to-face --nothing. I gave it a week, and when Sierra went back to practice I made sure I was there also. The coach benched her and two other girls for being a few minutes late and then completely and utterly IGNORED me. I mean, back-to-me, never made eye contact, ignored me. I decided that it was time to beard the lion in its den and asked for a meeting, especially when I found out the coach had suspended Sierra AGAIN for a another week. When confronted with all of the facts, the coach really didn't have much to say in her defense. Sierra looked her in the eye and fronted her on everything. It was the coach who backed down finally, not Sierra. Sierra wanted to quit but we persuaded her to try one more time. When she went to practice that Monday all the coach did was have a couple of the girls teach her the new cheers. She didn't offer to make room for her in the new stunt routine nor did she say she was glad to see her. Sierra quit the next day. There were only two more weeks of games left, but she couldn't handle being around the coach another minute.

Out of the 11 girls left on the squad, at least 8 of them won't cheer next year if she is the coach. They all want me, but I have to get my coaching certificate first and then I don't know if the AD would even let me. I did have a long talk with him about what I saw going on this season and how I felt the coach could have done a much better job of handling issues with the girls. Her way was to ignore the problems or just go over it like there wasn't a problem. There were no fun days where the girls just got together and bonded as a team over a pizza, no team meetings about how they wanted things to go or cheers they thought would work well for the team, nothing. Her daughter taught all the stunts and dances--she merely observed. Hell, I can do that!! LOL! I guess we will just have to wait and see what next year brings.

Anyway. What else. I got swine flu in October--on my way with a friend to pick up some heifers in Payette, ID. Yeah, that sucked. Then right before Christmas I fell off the second to the bottom step in my MIL's basement and fractured/sprained my right ankle. Since then I have been off work sitting around the house waiting for my ankle to heal. And now I am on my way to pick up the letter from my primary physician to get my gastric bypass surgery final approval from my insurance company. Yay! I have been pursuing this for over a year now and I am SO ready for this! So now I am putting in for a 6-8 week leave of absence since I used up almost 8 weeks of my FMLA already and I want to save some for when I go back to work in case I need to take time off for what my friend calls "gastric bypass days". Not sure if I will need them but I want to have them just in case.

Wow--this doesn't cover everything but good grief! I've written quite the novel here already! Time to go get stuff done. Ta ta until next time...

Graduation...

2009-06-13T23:45:00.000-07:00

Well, it finally happened--I am now the proud parent of a high school graduate! Woo-hoo! Hard to believe I am old enough to have a daughter who is almost 18--I am still convinced that I am only 30 something myself! LOL!

What is really neat is that Jordan graduated exactly 29 years to the day from the same school that I received my high school diploma! She even had a couple of the same teachers. Of course, they had stories to tell her about me--oh gee, thanks for bursting THAT particular little bubble for me! And here I thought I would be able to maintain my innocence--I was such an exemplary student!! LOL!

It was a proud moment for me and her dad and the rest of her family as we watched her walk down that aisle in her cap and gown with this huge grin on her face! We looked each other in the eye and then we had to look away or we would have both been bawling. Yeah, yeah, like mother like daughter--it was a Hallmark moment! I got misty several times over the past couple of weeks, but I managed to get through the entire ceremony without breaking down. Come on, folks--I still cry on the girls' first day of school every year! And they are in HIGH SCHOOL!

She spent that evening with all of her classmates at a huge Sober Grad party and then the next couple of days partying with different friends, including her own party on Tuesday.

The best part was when I got her report card on Friday. FIVE "A's"!! Wow! And her sister got solid B's with a couple of A's sprinkled in, including two on her final exams. Can you tell I am proud of my girls?!

So now we are moving into a new phase in our lives. Jordan will be starting at the junior college in the fall to get her pre-req's out of the way before she transfers to a 4 year college to complete her special ed major. Sierra will be going into her junior year at RC. It will be the first time that the girls haven't gone to school together. Ever. Not sure how they feel about it, but it will be very strange for me--still working on getting my mind around it...

I am looking forward to having Jordan spread her wings a little more. Watching her explore her new world, test her independence. She is very much a home-body so she never ventures far from mom, but now that she has her license and a car I have noticed that she is out and about quite a bit. It is so awesome seeing how much she enjoys this new phase in her life! These should be some of the best times of her life and I hope she enjoys every minute of them!

So--one down, one to go! Onward and upward....

Thus begins a new chapter...

2009-05-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

My oldest daughter passed her driver's test this morning. She had a lot riding on it, to say the least! Tonight is her Senior Prom, and I told her if she passed her test she could drive herself there in whichever of our cars she wanted--including her dad's 'Vette! She decided to pass on the Corvette, since she is only 5' tall and she can't see out of it very well! Plus, since she will be wearing a long dress tonight, she decided she wants to drive my Tahoe because it sits up high and her dress won't drag when she gets in and out of it. A good choice, actually, since it is big and burly and she can see out of it and it has airbags all over in case something happens...

Can you tell I am a little--apprehensive, I guess you would call it--about my baby driving alone, at night, on Prom night? But I have to let her go--she will be 18 in a few months and she has earned her freedom. I just worry about the other idiots on the road with her and I just want her to be safe...

It is a good thing, truly it is, but along with my happiness for her there is some sadness for me. Getting her license is just one more step she is taking away from me, of needing me, and I am not sure I am ready for that yet. It seems like just yesterday I was helping her take her first steps, or teaching her to ride her bike. Now here she is, a month away from graduating high school, her license hot off the presses, and I am the one who is trying to hold back a little, to slow things down. For me. She is ready--I know she is going to be fabulous--but I don't think I am!

I was so nervous when the examiner from the DMV came out to the car and told me I could go inside now! I was in tears as she drove away because I knew how much this meant to her and I really wanted her to pass. When they came back about 15 minutes later my heart stopped--she had said the test would take like 45 minutes so I thought she must have failed! I walked around the corner and she got out of the car with a big grin and said "Well, I guess we can go to Huckleberries'" and I knew she had passed (I had told her we would go out to breakfast if she passed)!! And then I cried again! LOL!

So now we move on to a new chapter in our lives. The one where I let go and let her discover who she is and who she wants to be. I'm not really sure how this chapter will end--haven't scripted it out yet, because now I am writing it with someone else and she is going to have a lot of input from now on. Should be interesting. Stick around and see where we go.. It could be A Wild Ride! (*wink* to The Cherries!)

Puppy Love

2009-02-16T08:47:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I MUST have Pomeranians in my life always and forever. In fact, I don't know why it has taken me so long to get one. I have loved Poms since I was a kids--I always thought that if I was to ever get a small dog that Poms would be my choice. I just think they are probably one of the cutest dogs in the world with their little foxy faces and fluffy hair!

I have always preferred long-haired dogs. I like being able to bury my hands in it and stroke it and brush it. And up 'til a few years ago I have always preferred BIG dogs--never could understand why someone would waste their time on some little ankle-biter dog when you could have a REAL dog!

When I was a freshman in high school our PE/basketball coach got a puppy from one of the dairy kids. He was a German Shepherd cross and he was HUGE! His name was Moose, and let me tell you--he certainly fit his name! I came across Moose one day while I was over at my sister's fiance's house (just around the corner) training their puppy Shamus. Coach walked out of his house and saw me walking the dog and asked what I was doing. I had been training dogs since I was about ten, starting with my dad's hunting dogs, and he was impressed and asked if I wanted to train Moose.

It was love at first sight. Moose was the most intelligent dog I had ever gotten to be around. He was the perfect dog--and he taught me a thing or two along the way! Needless to say Coach let me do what I wanted with him and we basically shared him for the next several years. I would take Moose with me on the weekends when I got to go camping--he was my companion of choice on my very first trip. I mean, who is going to mess around with a girl who has a 120 pound Shepherd with her, right?!

But Moose spoiled me for other dogs. Every dog I have had since must go up against the Moose Meter--and none of them have ever measured up. Some have come close, but none have been Moose.

But now I have these two small dogs, and I have found that they give me great joy every day. They aren't Moose--far from it. But between the two of them they fulfill that joy and love I had with him better than any one dog ever has before. They make me laugh every day with their antics! Tavi, I have figured out, believes he is a big dog that unfortunately happens to live in a small dog body. So it offends him greatly to be picked up and loved on or carried anywhere. I have taken to putting a leash on him to take him to the truck to go anywhere so that he thinks he is a big boy--gives him a much better attitude! And when he comes into the house and demands my attention by barking and grabbing at my pants I just sit down and pet him on the floor instead of picking him up and snuggling him.

Jazz, on the other hand, believes her feet should never be on the floor and that my job in life is to snuggle her and be as close to her as is humanly possible. If I sit down, you can be guaranteed she is cuddled up against me before I even get comfortable! If I am at the computer she lays under my feet. At night she sleeps between my hubby and my pillows. Tavi prefers his kennel--it is his "man cave" where he can chew on his toys and have some peace and quiet without his sister bugging him.

I am content with these pint-sized morsels of dogdom for my companions. They aren't big, but they are big in love and laughter and joy of living. They protect me from noises outside--Jazz is the barker of the two--and they keep me warm and remind me that I am loved every single day. I look at them and think to myself, "why did it take me so long to find you?!" and they just look up at me with those adorable little bright-eyed faces and I realize that i am a very lucky person. They are mine and I am theirs--life is good!

Rainy Weekend...

2009-02-16T08:17:00.000-08:00

It has been raining now for two solid days. I guess I shouldn't complain--we desperately need the rain here. But of COURSE it chooses to rain on my three day weekend! So I am stuck in the house. With the girls. And the dogs.

My hubby took off for his dad's for a couple of days. Dad lives on Lake Shasta. I am not sure why, but whenever we decide to go and visit him, the biggest storm of the year usually blows through the area right about then. We have decided that we can singlehandedly end the drought here in California just be declaring our intentions to visit my father in law! LOL! Absolute guarantee of snow and rain to follow! And since I thought I had to help my friends move this weekend I kept the Tahoe and he had to go up in the Corvette--guess he made it in with about an hour to spare before they closed the highway!!

The girls and I have spent a quiet Valentine's/President's Day weekend together. I re-acquainted myself with the SIMS and got to play the newest expansion pack for the first time. I rather like it, but I have yet to try out any of the new hobbies and activities on the game.

Took my daughter shopping for Valentine's stuff for her bf, but as of yet she hasn't gotten to give it to him. She even wrote him a poem all by herself--and she's the one who doesn't like that stuff--but she hasn't gotten to see him at all nor has she really talked to him. He moved back home a week or so ago and has been acting strange ever since. He says he doesn't have any second thoughts about their engagement, but you would think he would have wanted to spend their first Valentine's Day as an engaged couple with her.... Instead he mumbled something about an interview for a job on Saturday and he hasn't answered her texts or her calls except for rather perfunctory responses here and there. (sigh) She hasn't complained but I know she is very sad...

So we sat and watched chick-flicks all weekend together. One of the stations had all these great movies on it, one after another, so we curled up in the living room with most of the dogs and vegged out. Since hubby isn't here I can make food that we like and he doesn't, so for lunch we had mac n cheese and sausage and for dinner we had taco salad. Then I made us big sundaes later on for dessert and we all decided that we are going to gain at least ten pounds this weekend!!

The little kids are back--again. We got them back what--a week ago already? They were home for a little over a week and their mom got picked up on a warrant for stuff she hasn't done that she was supposed to do. They are over at the mom's bf's this weekend--he offered and I decided that hey, he wants to play daddy so I may as well let him... And it rained. All day. All weekend. So that means they are all stuck in the house. Together. Did I mention the place isn't very big? And he doesn't have a car? And the buses aren't running today? And the kids fight--a LOT!! Better him than me at this point! LOL! So I will go and get them today--later. Much, much later.

Gotta go help my friend pack up the rest of his stuff and get the furniture ready to move next weekend. We were going to rent a trailer and try moving him today, but with the rain and whatnot, and the fact that the place still looks like a cyclone hit it, we decided today would be better spent getting stuff organized, taken apart, and gotten rid of. I am the "get rid of" person--I go through all the papers and whatnot that he has collected over the past 15 years (or more) and I dump it. He is a bigger packrat than I am, if that is at all possible! I have been finding things from previous moves--some stuff dating back to the '70's and '80's!! My God--I was still in junior high when some of this stuff was new!! I have to make sure, however, before I dump something that it isn't sentimental or historically important first. But there is old mail, old newspapers, fliers from recitals and whatnot that I can throw away with nary a qualm! LOL! He says I will know more about him than anyone in our home town by the time we are through--and I had better never breathe a word to anyone either!! LOL!

Well, gotta go take a shower and wash some more clothes before the molehill in the garage becomes a mountain! Can't believe how much laundry just those three extra kids can make!!

Acapella Aria....

2009-02-06T22:49:00.000-08:00

Tonight I sang a solo. For the first time. In front of people. Acapella. How scary is THAT?!!

I sing with a worship team for Celebrate Recovery, a church-sponsored group for people recovering from various and sundry addictions and issues--control issues, anger, drugs, alcohol, depression--you name it, they probably have a group for it. It's a great group and I enjoy helping lead the worship every Friday night.

We have a really great team of musicians. Our leader has an actual group that he belongs to that has CD's and everything! Sweet Deliverance is a men's acapella group and Bob sings bass and lead. Each Friday one of the team sings special music during offering. Tonight was my turn. oh joy.

See, I don't mind singing in a group. I always sing harmony, never lead, and that's what I am comfortable with. So asking me to sing a SOLO is scary for me! And then I wasn't even sure I was going to do anything because there was a trio of musicians that were going to play tonight but one of them had a family emergency so at 4 o'clock today I discovered that yep--I'm singing!

It was a little late to try and sing a song from one of my CD's--I have sound track CD's to sing with, sort of like karaoke, but I didn't have time to practice. So after talking with Bob, I decided to sing without any instruments. It gives me a little more freedom of expression with the song, and I didn't think it was fair to try and drag someone else down with me if I bombed! LOL!

So I chose the old hymn "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". OMG! I really didn't think I would be so nervous, since I sing in front of people all the time now. But that's with a group and music and stuff. If I mess up no one notices that much. But standing up there, all by myself, I thought "What in the world was I thinking?! This is going to be TERRIBLE!!!!" ! But I smiled anyway and sang the song--all three verses no less--and stumbled off the stage. I thought I was going to pass out for a minute there! And everyone clapped and cheered and thought I was great....

God blesses, you know? Even when we don't have time to really practice, God just pulls it all together and we end up praising Him no matter what. And that was all I asked--that my song would glorify Him. How could I go wrong with that? I am glad it is over! It turned out okay but next time I think I will use the CD! That acapella stuff isn't for sissies!

Poetry and Puppies and Pensive Thoughts

2009-01-27T17:36:00.000-08:00

Apparently January is the month for poetry. I'm not sure why--I would think that the tender blooms of spring would make for better inspiration, but hey--what do I know?

Both of my daughters have hit me up today for help with poetry for their respective English classes. One needs help reading a poem (by Milton--egads!) while the other needs help writing poems--haikus and some other kind I've never heard of. Okay--we wrote a poem about how she hates writing poems! LOL! I like writing poetry myself--have a bunch that I wrote way back when I was in high school and college.

So I wracked my brain for a few minutes and came up with a haiku about our puppies. I work with what I have, ok?! I was holding my little girl, Jazz, and she was all curled up and napping and so she was on my mind, more or less...

Speaking of Jazz--I have the two CUTEST puppies in the world, I will have you know! Tavi and Jazz are brother and sister Pomeranians and probably two of the cutest balls of fluff you have ever seen! They crack me up most days--Tavi is an excellent little thief and lives up to his name sake, Riki Tiki Tavi, for being clever and sneaky! Jazz, on the other hand, loves to curl up with her favorite person (that would be me!) and take a nap--she's all about the comfort and snuggles! Together they run through the house, growling and fighting like a coupld of Tasmanian Devil cubs. They are constantly on the prowl for a morsel of food someone may have inadvertantly dropped on the floor--they are Einsteins when it comes to food! LOL!

Anyway. So now I have to go read a Milton poem--I don't remember liking him much when I was n school--can't imagine he has improved much with age!!

The little kids went home today with their mother. I don't know how long it will last--they were only with her for a little over a week last time and they had to come back. We'll see how long they stay this time... (sigh) I am sad about letting the littlest one go--I would have liked to keep him. The other two wanted to go home but he wanted to stay. Too bad I can't just put a collar and name tag on him and claim him for my own like I could with a dog or cat (not that I would ever do that, of course, but you know what I am saying!).

The house will be quieter and less busy with the kids gone. Three less people has a way of doing that. Still have all the dogs, however--they more than make up for the noise! And the puppies will keep me busy--ever try house-breaking a Pom? I gave up--they now have a litter box for when they are in the house, and they actually use it!

So life will slowly go back to normal, I guess. The little kids will be here on Wednesdays and Thursdays for church groups--they want to keep going so that is fine with me. I'll just take them home to their mom instead of tucking them into bed here.

This will be strange--they have been here almost an entire year--came to live with us at the end of February last year...And now they are gone.

Mourning for Lost Blogs

2009-01-24T15:50:00.000-08:00

I am not sure what happened, but apparently Yahoo! closed down the 360* site. I have been blogging on there since I don't know when and now I cannot access any of my blogs. All my book reviews, my thoughts, my HISTORY--all gone.

Of course, I have tried to ask Yahoo! what happened to the site, but to no avail. No one has answered my emails, and just trying to find the right format in which to ask the question is about mind-boggling! Seems no one wants to field THAT particular question!

It really makes me angry. I mean, I have had a Yahoo ID for absolutely YEARS--the least they could have done is emailed me and let me know they were shutting down the site so I could copy my blogs here or somewhere else safe. Now they are gone forever and it makes me very sad...

They've started up some new thing which I signed up for, hoping it would take me back to my original blogs, just in a new format, but so far no such luck. (sigh)

So I guess Menageriemom's Musings is no more. It was my very first foray into blogging and I will miss it and all the thoughts that are now lost to time and cyberspace.

Living in the Wild Kingdom...

2008-09-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

While talking with my husband the other day, he referred to our home as "the Wild Kingdom" and I had to laughingly admit that it was a pretty apt description! I mean, what else would you call living with 6 dogs, 2 cats, 11 birds, a tortoise, and 6 kids?! Insanity does cross my mind, but only fleetingly... *grin*

As I am typing this I have several love birds chirping behind me. I had a pair of love birds who hatched out six chicks and I decided to hand raise all of them. MUCH bigger task than I anticipated, requiring untold hours of feeding around the clock, cleaning of cages and chicks, and just dedication to the cause. They are now all pretty much weaned so I am ready to sell three of them. It will be sad to see them go, but I just can't keep them all! I already sent Mom and Dad to a friend who wants babies....

Then I have my budgie, George, barking at me as he hops around in his cage, hanging upside down on his swing and flirting in his mirror. Yes, I said he BARKS. Like a dog. He also rings like the phone but right now he's more interested in barking. What can I say--he's a weird little bird.

Bindi, the 'tiel, is rather quiet. I guess the rest of the birds are making enough noise that she doesn't feel hon0r-bound to join in! Thank God!

But let's not forget the kennel in the other room. After we said good bye to South, my husband and I talked about getting him another large dog for him to walk in the evenings. Ever since his heart surgery last June he has had to walk every day. With the time change coming up and bad weather soon to follow he wanted a dog that he could take with him to the park so that no one would bother him. Well, he went to the pound on a whim and there he found Brandy Rose, a 115 pound Saint Bernard, which I bought for him. She is a whole lot of doggie, and he is in love with her! She drools a little, but she is actually considered a "dry mouth"--hate to see what a "wet mouth" would be like! LOL!

Then I finally got my Pomeranian puppy two weeks ago. My husband worked the deal for me and I also got the sister puppy for my daughter's bf. So now I have two little balls of fluff running around my family room terrorizing the family! They are beyond cute but oh--housebreaking is a pain! But I am so in love with them I don't care. My little boy is Tavi (as in Riki Tiki Tavi) and the little girl is Jazz.

And let's not forget the children! Yes, I still have my "extra" kids. School started a couple of weeks ago--thank God!--but of course that brings a whole new set of issues with it. My house is trashed, I have laundry up to whazoo, and I always seem to be signing something or other for one of them...

Oh--did I mention the beagle we rescued yesterday n the way to choir rehearsal? Yeah. He was in the middle of a busy road with a dazed and frightened look on his face and I couldn't just let him get hit so we turned around and picked him up and put him on the side yard for now. I have an ad coming out in the local paper tomorrow for him. And while I am at it I think I may advertise the love birds. Anybody out there want a sweet hand-fed lovie? Great pets! *grin*

So yeah, I live in the Wild Kingdom. At least I can never complain about being bored!

South...

2008-08-13T17:36:00.000-07:00

Today I had to say good bye to an old friend. He has been getting on in years and lately he just hasn't been himself. The last couple of days I could tell he wasn't feeling good and I knew it was time. I just wish it wasn't so hard to let him go....

South has been a part of my family's life for the past ten years or so. My husband's best friend found him wandering on the streets when she was a home-health nurse and she brought him to us. He was a young and vibrant dog then, and had a tendency to climb over our six foot fence and go visiting when he got bored at home. A thyroid problem put an end to those frolicking days, however, as it caused him to get fat and impossible for him to heave his bulk over the fences anymore. But we made up for it by making sure he had a soft bed to sleep on and other doggy friends to hang out with at home.

South was the most patient dog I have ever known. Over the years we brought many a puppy and several dogs that we rescued into our home and he was a mentor and beneficent big brother to all of them. Sky. our Aussie pup, was fascinated by his tail, having never seen one before since neither she nor her parents sported one, and she would spend hours gnawing happily on the end of it. And he let her. When he got tired of her he would just get up and gently move away and she would gambol off and find something new to distract herself with.

South was always gentle. He never growled, never lifted his lip, never got disgruntled with anyone--except when I tried to brush his petticoats. THEN he got a little peeved, but never more than a glare and maybe a little push of his head as if to say "hey, have a care there--that hurts!".

My children have grown up with him as their protector, their floor rug, their couch pillow. He had a tendency to lay in the hall right at the doorway to the kitchen so that he could see everything and everyone in the house. Of course, that meant having to step over his hairy self many times a day but he didn't seem to mind! He was in the middle of his family and he was content.

When he first came to live with us, I remember getting exasperated with him because he was in the middle of my kitchen, which was small, and he was in the way because he was very large. I finally threw my hands in the air and exclaimed "Would you please sit down or lay down or roll over or something?!!" and much to my astonishment he proceeded to roll over! I was floored--I have never seen a full-sized shepherd/husky cross do a trick like that! I thought it was a fluke so I grabbed a cookie and said "Do it again--roll over!" And he did it again and sat up and laughed at me! How I would give anything right now to see that face laughing up into mine right now....

But he got old. His hips were very painful and the pain meds didn't seem to do much for him any more. His skin was itchy from the thyroid problems, and he didn't want to eat. I knew then that something must be very wrong, because South has always loved his food. At one point he was about 120 pounds for awhile and we had to cut him back to help ease the pain in his hips and joints. I knew he was in pain, but as long as he still had joy in his life and still loved his food I figured the quality of his life was good.

But the joy has been gone for over a week now. He has been laying around, listless and sad. I could tell by his body posture that he wasn't feeling good. And then he stopped eating and I knew. I knew.

I thought I was ready for it. I told the kids. Called my god daughter and told her so she could come and tell him good bye, because he was her dog first. He didn't even lift her head up when she came in the door and she started to cry. She knew it was the end also.

So my daughter, her boyfriend, and I took South on his last car ride. He always loved to go in the car--he would stand behind me and bark at the oncoming cars--believe me, I have had my share of near-misses because of being startled by a loud "WOOOFF!" in my ear at 50mph! The vet looked at him and couldn't really find anything wrong with him other than that he was in pain and very old--South was about 14 or 15 years old, which is a long life for a large dog. He said we could do tests but that really we would only be prolonging the inevitable. So I called my husband--South was really his dog after all--and asked him what I should do and what the doctor had said and we both agreed that if would be best to let South go. We didn't want him to suffer any more.

So I sat on the floor and cuddled his head in my lap and told him how much I loved him, and how he had been the best dog in the world and how much I was going to miss him. My daughter sobbed on his chest as the doctor put in the IV and sent him on his way to the Rainbow Bridge. I told him to give my love to Bahubhj when he got there and to wait for me, and he was gone.... It was simple, peaceful, and so deserved for such a loving friend.

It was when I got home that I realized that I have never walked into this house without him being here to greet me, and I fell apart. It hurts. Oh God, it hurts. I thought I could deal with it but it hurts a lot more than I thought it would.

I love you, South. You were one in a million. Good bye, old friend. I will miss you. Thank you for sharing your life and your love with me and my family. If dogs have souls I know I will see you again someday and we will go for a walk together just like we use to and I can run my hands through your thick fur and all will be good in my world again.

I love you South.

A Gathering of Cherries

2008-08-02T02:39:00.000-07:00

Thursday was the BIG DAY for me--I finally got to meet many, many Cherries face to face! The RWA (Romance Writer's of America) conference is being held in San Francisco this year and I decided that I needed to at least go to the traditional Cherry dinner that is usally held informally at the conference.

Up till this year it has always been more the "Hey, we are all meeting in the bar downstairs if you want to come" sort of thing, but this year Cory said "we should have dinner" and other Cherries said "yes that would be fun" and then Kim and Vashaili got together and figured out the place (Buca de Beppo's on Howard) and the menu (mmmm--Italian!) and then they posted a memo over on the Cherry Forums (http://www.cherryforums.com) so that eveyone would know about it.

So I went.

I even took the day off of work so that I wouldn't be rushed or late or anything. Got my blouse dry cleaned. Washed the Tahoe. Bought some new shoes. I made sure that I left Modesto early enough in case the traffic got stupid (it did) or I got lost (I didn't). And I arrived at my destination almost 45 minutes early, so I decided to wait in the bar and have a drink. Do you know that I am almost 46 years old and that is the FIRST time I have ever done that?! Walked down a street in SF by myself. Ordering a drink in a bar, by myself. Sad, isn't it? What a sheltered life I have lived....

I was SO nervous--this was a HUGE deal to me, meeting Cherries. What if they didn't like me? What if they didn't know who I was? What if at the last minute something happened and they CANCELLED the dinner? Oh God, I started thinking of all the things that could happen and what I would do if they didn't show. Seriously! I am the sort of person that could get stood up by 40 people all at once--it could happen!

And then this lovely woman came into the bar and she was wearing--oh, praise the lord--Cherry earrings! And she saw mine and asked if I was a Cherry and of course I gushed and said "yes!" and thus I met Ann M.!! And then this whole herd of women came pouring through the doors and filling up the foyer of Beppo's and I realized that the Cherries had arrived! And Jill found me right away and gave me the most amazing hug! I love that woman....!!

And so we headed downstairs to two big long tables and we ate and drank and laughed and took pictures and laughed and talked and drank... I met Holly, who's name I have seen onlist since I joined way back when. She was so much fun and just as neat as I thought she would be. I met Michelle and Kim (Cherry Red) and Cathy and Jan (she came all the way from Australia!) and Dee and so many more--gosh, I was surrounded by Cherries!

I also got to meet one of my favorite children's authors, Robin La Fevers. She actually walked up to me and said "You're Sheri, right?" and then gave me a big hug. We are a touchy-feely bunch, the Cherries! I was thrilled--"she knows my name!" and we talked about our kids and her books and it was wonderful.

The evening ended with Jill insisting that I take home all of the leftovers since all of the Cherries were going back to the hotel and I have teenagers at home that would LOVE to eat the food. So she started packing up food at the other table and Holly and I started packing up food on our table and by the time we were done I had like six or seven pie-plate sized dishes of food! The bag was so heavy I wasn't sure I would be able to carry all the way to the parking garage to get my car! (And yes, when I arrived home the teens descended on the food like locusts and started scarfing it down as if they hadn't been fed in a week....)

So I walked Dee back to her hotel, which was just up the street from the garage where I had parked, and she told me about the cab ride of death. Guess the driver had seen too many chase scenes from "The Streets of San Francisco" or maybe "What's Up Doc?" because he managed to get air-borne a couple of times on the way from Fisherman's Wharf to their hotel... You can read about it and her experiences at the RWA here http://deeanddeedish.blogspot.com/.

Well, time for bed. Got home from Santa Cruz a little while ago but that is stuff for another blog tomorrow...

Morning Musings....

2008-07-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday finally. I love Sundays. I usually get up before everyone else and hop on the computer and check all my groups, email, and blogs that I read and try to catch up from the craziness that is my life every other day of the week. Usually I make coffee but today I am feeling lazy and didn't, though now I am thinking I should have....

George is singing away over in his cage by the front window. I love the sounds parakeets make, even when they get noisy and start squawking. George does have one annoying habit, however--he imitates the telephone! I can't tell you how often I or one of the girls has been sitting in here and we hear the phone ring and start looking for it only to realize it's George! LOL! Funny bird...

Ok--I'm back--with COFFEE! Mmmmm.... When I was up in Lincoln last weekend my gf blessed me with four boxes of Gevalia coffee. If you have never had this coffee, you really need to go online and order some. They have many different blends and roasts. You can get it ground or whole beans, decaf or regular. If you are a first time customer you can even get an awesome coffeepot! And if you like tea--oh man! They have an amazing assortment of teas... So yeah, you should check them out. http://gevalia.com You will thank me for it--really!

I had to go wake up the kids so they can get ready for church. The daughter's bf is playing drums for worship this morning and he likes us to be there for moral support. He is very good for his age, especially since he has never taken a lesson in his life.

My older daughter just hates him sometimes--not literally, but just the fact that whatever he decides to do he is good at almost right away! She is the opposite and it drives her crazy! "I want to be good at just ONE thing, Mom, ONE THING! And I can't even do that! AARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!" What she doesn't realize is that she has many talents but they aren't ones that draw attention to themselves. She has a kind heart, she is responsible and takes charge when she needs to, she is a hard worker and an excellent, dedicated student. She thinks of others before herself and is unselfish and caring. But these things don't make her GOOD at stuff, like sports or music or whatever and so she doesn't see that she is "good at anything" because of it. That's ok--I know what a treasure she is and that she is my diamond in the rough!

Well, I got a busy day ahead of me so I had better get started. Drank half a cup of coffee already, fed the kids, got one in the shower, two emptying the dishwasher so I can fill it back up, and now I have to do the girl's hair since I just had her throw it up in a pony tail last night after she washed it. Now I have to get it wet and condition it again and get some oils on it (she is biracial) or I won't be able to do a thing with it! So I had better get moving.

Sundays. I love them....

All's Well That Ends Well.....

2008-07-18T22:34:00.000-07:00

Well, here it is, 1030 PM and all is quiet on the Western front. Sort of.

Food was good, if I do say so myself! The tri-tip came out perfect, hamburgers and hot dogs were plentiful, and they almost completely decimated my calico beans! All the kids swam and played and ate while the adults sat around and talked bus talk, since we all work together. Even my aunt had a good time, though she has retired from driving school bus about a year ago. there was cake and ice cream and even a couple of presents to be opened, so all in all I think the party was a success.

Now the teenagers all left to go to the bf's house to get some movies, and I think they are planning a t.p. party for later. I don't have to go to this one, however, since one of the kids has his own car. (Yes, I have gone t.p.ing with the kids--it was a lot of fun until one of the cars of kids got caught!! And my girls happened to be in that car, so there I was, trying to think how I was going to answer that call from the cops.... "Yes? Yes, this is J and S's mother. What was that? MY daughters were doing WHAT? I am just shocked--shocked, I tell you!!" and here I was sitting just down the street from them! LOL! But the cop let them go with a warning and we high-tailed it out of there, let me tell you!)

So I am just sort of cleaning up the worst of the mess--picking up plates and cups and half drank cans of soda and throwing them away. Tomorrow I will finish up and then get ready to go to the next party. I bought too many buns--I always do that! I have this dread of running out of them so I always get too many and they really don't freeze well, so I am going to call my daughter's friend and tell them I will bring hamburger buns tomorrow as well.

I asked the bf if he had a good time, and he said he did, so I am glad that we did this for him. My MIL came through and got him the cool hat I found at the Van's store--he was really surprised that she bought him a gift!

The dogs have been released from their various rooms of imprisonment. My chihauhau isn't speaking to me right now--she was really bent that she got locked up for the day I guess! My big dog is walking around licking up crumbs and whatnot that were dropped on the floor. Gonna let her out in the back yard in a minute so she can clean up the chips someone spilled by the pool--dogs are good for that, you know! The old dog is sprawled behind me on the floor, enjoying the A/C, and my daughter's dog is reclining on the sofa arm, waiting for her to get back from the movie run.

All in all it has been a good day. It was worth all of the work to see the enjoyment my daughter's bf got out of hanging out with his friends and celebrating his big day. But now it is time for me to go bury myself in my room and relax. I can hardly wait to get horizontal!!

Two Hours to Zero Hour....

2008-07-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

So the countdown continues....

I just spent another $50 on supplies--paper products are amazingly expensive!! Of course, if I had half a brain I would have gone to the dollar store and bought it there, but then I would have had to drive to the other side of town and at $4.50 a gallon for gas and the fact that I drive a Tahoe made me think I was better off paying more for the paper plates and forgetting about a better deal somewhere else!

The beans are bubbling along nicely. I flipped the tri-tip again and the marinade seems to be permeating the meat quite well. The boys have swept and picked up the back yard and I have sprayed it down once already--just waiting to go out and spray it again with my bleach/Listerine concoction. I set the table in the house with the table cloth and plates and napkins I bought at Cash & Carry--great little big box store down the street from work.

Eddie just finished making the salsa--omg! Wish you were here to taste it! WOW! All fresh veggies in it--jalapenos, onion, tomatoes, garlic, cilantro--it is amazingly good! He grilled all of the veggies on the BBQ and then blended it all together. I may not eat anything else tonight.... *grin*

OK. Hubby is getting ice so I can ice down the drinks. I need to clean the floors and kitchen now that Eddie is done with the salsa. (He's the bf, btw). I think I am going to make a sign so that people will come through the gate and not the house--easier that way and I can shut some of the house off--hey, we can only clean just so much, ok?!!

OK--enough stalling. Time to get busy again.... Whew! I will be glad when this is all over. Oh wait--I have to do it all again tomorrow for Em's birthday party!! Oi.....

Party Countdown....

2008-07-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

Ok--today is the BIG PARTY at my house for my daughter's bf's 17th birthday. They have been together for a year now and since he lived with us for a few months this past spring and all he is as much a part of my family as my own kids, so I decided that I needed to do something for his birhtday. Because of the issues with his own family (read above about living with mine) he isn't even sure they are doing anything to commemorate the BIG DAY, so I stepped up and said "who do you want to invite and when shall we have it?".

Remind me not to be so impulsive next time, ok?

I mean, come one. I am not a party giver OR a party goer. I never had a birthday party when I was growing up. Oh wait--we did stay home from camping one year and I had some friends over. I think I was 8. Or 10. Whatever. I was pretty young. One year I remember that Mom didn't even wrap my presents. Just handed them to me in a plastic bag and said "Oh here, open this, happy birthday, get your stuff packed" because we were behind getting out of the house to go--yes, every year we did this--camping. That's a whole 'nother blog in itself, but I digress.

Since having my two daughters I have had to learn how to give parties. The cake, the ice cream, the gift bags for the guests, the games. I loathe games. But the girls loved all of it, so each year I have wracked my brain to come up with fun stuff to do. One year my older daughter took her friends rock-climbing. There's a place in town that rents out climbing walls. It's in an old warehouse and he's got ropes and harnesses and it's really a lot of fun.

Since my older daughter's birthday is a week before Halloween we have done costume parties a few times. Her friends' favorite game to this day is bobbing for apples! As she has gotten older I have had to do more sophisticated stuff. She still says her 15th was her favorite--decorated the empty townhouse my MIL was selling with Halloweeny stuff, pizza and candy and cake and ice cream, bowling at midnight, movies and music and dancing 'til the wee hours with three of her best friends. Her Sweet 16 was a Black and Pink Ball--everyone had to dress up and wear black and pink! We decorated the garage with black and pink sheets (to hide the walls), had strobe lights, a fog machine, and music and food and dancing...

The younger girl has her birthday in July, so it's swim parties and food or the water slides. One year they painted pillow cases to take home with them. And when she was little we always had a pinata...

This past summer was the first time I gave a party for no reason other than "let's have a party!" slipped out of my mouth and into eager ears. Since then the girls' friends have begged us to have parties all the time. I don't know why, either. All I do is get a bunch of pizzas, sodas, and hook the stereo up outside and turn them loose. Go figure.

But today is different. Today I have people coming in from work who have never been to my house. The bf has made friends with several of our co-workers and asked if they could be invited. Plus he has invited some of his friends also. So I have been cracking the whip for the past two days trying to get the house and yard presentable!! Not an easy task when you have 5 kids who are better at trashing the house than cleaning it! LOL!

But at this moment I am right on schedule. I made potato salad last night. I have two tri-tips marinating as I write this. I vacuumed and shampooed the carpets yesterday after work. I just finished putting the Screaming Beans together in the crock pot and they will now just simmer until people start arriving around 5 pm. The bf is making fresh salsa and I have to go get propane and the rest of the food in a little while. I decided to put off buying the buns for the hot dogs and hamburgers until today so that they would be fresh, and I have to get some chips. Got the big cooler down for the sodas and water. Get ice around four and ice everything down.

Now I have to get outside and clean the back yard. It is all cement and we have dogs, so I have this little trick of spraying everything down with Listerine and bleach and it eliminates the odors. Works really well! And I have to make sure the pool is clean and all the toys are put up. And chairs. I have to get more chairs....

I may not know a lot about giving a party, but at least I am organized!! LOL! Now I am just worried about people showing up.... (sigh) Oh well, if they come they come. If not, I will not have to cook for the next few days!!

Check back later for updates--I will try and blog later!

It's A Crazy, Mixed Up Life...

2008-07-15T19:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I must be just a little bit insane. That somewhere in my genetic makeup lurks a crazy gene that will some day just leap out and and take over my mind and I will be reduced to a gibbering, quivering mass that my friends and family will regard with pity as they shake their heads and say "I always knew she would crack someday. Tsk, tsk. What a shame..."!

Oh please--do people actually say "tsk, tsk"?! Exactly. But the crazy thing--yeah, that could happen. Really.

Consider my life ovwer the past year. I was going along, content with my life, hoping for better but okay with how things were, when BAM! In June we discover that my husband has heart disease and my whole world turned upside down. He has surgery to correct some of the stuff, but a lot of it will take time to get better.

In July my youngest daughter meets a boy and I decide that maybe my rules about waiting until they are 16 to start dating may not apply in this situation, so with much trepidation I allow her to date him. Here we are, a year later, and they are still together. Who knew?

In February of this year my girlfriend sends me a text, telling me that she thinks she is going to have to place her three children into foster care because she can't take care of them anymore. WHAM! On my 20th wedding anniversay I got the strangest gift I have ever gotten--three more kids!

Since then my life has been a series of ups and downs as we have all had to adjust to three new people in our home full time. My 20 year old moved out (again) but his friend moved in! My daughter's bf had a lot of problems at home and ended up living with us for the rest of the school year. My oldest god daughter is also in and out, mostly dropping by (with impeccable timing I might add!) for dinner a few nights a week. At any given time I would be making dinner for 9 people at the minimum, and all this on a budget of barely $400 a month for food... Yep, I am the Crock Pot Queen, baby! LOL! And I am a hell of a shopper when it comes to groceries!!

So where does that leave me? On the verge of madness, I tell you! Really! If it's not the kids it 's the hubby, and if it's not the hubby it's the critters. Or it's a combination of all three of them!

So what do I do? I laugh a lot, cry a little, sing like no one can hear me and dance like nobody's watching because what else is there? You gotta keep on keeping on and all those other time-worn cliches.

Would I change any of it? I'm not sure. Even at it's craziest I still love my life. The little kids are doing so well now--most of the time they almost act normal, which is saying a LOT if you knew them before! My husband and I have a much healthier life-style, which is always a good thing. My daughter seems happy with this boy and he loves her--what more can a mother ask but for her children's happiness? My odest daughter is going into her Senior year with good friends by her side and a life goal of becoming a teacher before her. Life is good, surprisingly. Life is very, very good.

Crazy? Yes. Insane? Maybe. But it's the way I want it. Most of the time. And think how boring my life would be without all of the kids and critters to keep me entertained?!!

"Yep, she's definitely lost it now Mildred. Time to call the nice men in white jackets to take her away..." *grin*

Long Time No Write

2008-01-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

Wow. I didn't realize that I haven't posted here in forever.... A lot has been happening in my life over the past several months and truthfully I just haven't had the energy or the wherewithal to write anything, much less a blog. But a friend of mine pointed out my lack of posts over here and so I decided to at least drop in and make an appearance...

In June my husband was diagnosed with heart disease. He had two artieries in his heart 100% blocked and one was 80%. Needless to say he was put into the hospital for immediate surgery and my life was turned upside down. I spent seven days in the hospital with him, four of them in intensive care. I couldn't work, I couldn't eat, I barely slept. I had to be the rock for everyone--my kids, his family, my family--there was no crying allowed. He was a basket-case--he is deathly afraid of doctors and hospitals so this was a very traumatice experience for him. For him to even be able to deal with any of it I needed to be with him 24/7. And I was.

His mother was full of drama herself--reminded me of someone caught in a whirlpool, spinning around with her arms over her head and bemoaning the fact that he was ill, he might die, whatever. (not literally--she would never actually do that.) I have no time for drama, thank you very much. I listened to the doctors, made the decisions that needed to be made, and got down to what needed to be done. Practical, yes. Drama queen? Not so much.

But after it was all said and done and he was well on the road to recovery we had another setback. An Echo he had done came back with irregularities so they wanted him to do another stress test, which he had failed miserably previous to this and was what had started the whole surgery thing in the first place.

This did shake me up, I have to admit. Thank God my youngest daughter had met this boy and was dating him, because he has become the son of my heart and my rock through out this ordeal. Strong Christian, he is the son I wish I had been lucky enough to have had myself. He has helped the girls deal with all of this stuff with their dad, and has been their for my husband also. I couldn't deal with a second round of stress and need from all of them by myself this time and it was wonderful to be able to hand some of the lesser stuff off to him. What a blessing...

So now things are back on an even keel. He passed the test with flying colors and is doing well. The family is starting to heal also, though my youngest has criticized me for what what she saw as a lack of caring when I wouldn't cry in front of her. She doesn't understand that if I started to cry I would just crack wide open and never stop....

As for writing--well, I got three great stories in various forms of being. One is pretty solid and I have quite a bit written on it. One needs to have some more research done before I can really solidify it and put it on hard drive. The last one is so awesome--I just really love it and it is in note-form only but it is GREAT and will be the best of them all.

Having It All (excerpt)

2007-05-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

Dee over at DeeCee Talks has been giving out random exerpts of her work in progress (WIP) and I have decided that I will do the same. This story came to me around Christmas time, all neat and tied in a bow. That is until I gave it to my oldest daughter to read and she said something that made me go "OOOOOO--what a great idea!" and suddenly my nice neat little short story was a full-blown novel. Crap. Which means now I have to write it and it gets complicated, but I LOVE the premise and it is fun so here is a sneak peak:

PS--I hope you enjoy it. but leave a comment one way or the other. thanks!

The morning started out like every week day morning had for the past five years. Kari Douglas stared absently out her windshield as she sat once again in the middle of rush hour traffic. The only outward sign of impatience was the steady drumming of her finger tips on the steering wheel.

The fog this morning was thick and it was impossible to see more than five feet in any one direction. Yet despite the poor visibility, cars continued to fly past her in the diamond lane, their drivers oblivious to their own, and everyone around them, safety.

Kari flinched as yet another car, this time a large SUV, whizzed by her in the dense fog. “Idiot!” she muttered under her breath as she gripped the wheel with white-knuckled fingers and continued to creep cautiously through the deadly white mist swirling around her car.

As an RN at the local emergency room, Kari had seen her fair share of accident victims who were there on the gurney being wheeled through the front doors by no fault of their own. Usually it was the other person who died or was horribly injured. The idiot who caused the wreck often walked away with nary a scratch. It infuriated her, the casualness some people had about life and how precious it was.

Kari swiped an angry tear off her cheek with the back of her hand. She knew that her anger wasn't because of the fog, but it was easier to blame it than face the fact that she had gotten her period this morning while she was in the shower. She had been so sure that THIS time if had worked, that even now a tiny life was forming in her womb. But the bright red blood that streamed down her leg as she soaped her body told its own tale of failure, and she had sobbed uncontrollably until the water had run cold and she was forced out of the shower.

Mark had heard her but had given her time to come to grips with this latest in a series of failed attempts at invitro fertilization before he walked into the bathroom and reached for her. She had collapsed in his arms, comforted as always by just the feel of his arms around her, resting her head in that special place reserved just for her under his chin and over his heart. He had soothed her, rubbing his hands gently up and down her back as he assured her she wasn’t to blame and he loved her no matter what. When he had left for work an hour before her, she had managed a small smile and told him she was fine.

“Are you sure, Kari? Maybe you should just call off today. The fog is supposed to get really nasty by the time you head out.” Mark’s bright blue eyes held nothing but love and concern for her as he tipped her chin up so that she had to look at him.

Kari sighed. She was never able to keep anything from Mark. He could read her like a well-worn map, so she didn’t try to fool him into thinking she was all right.

“I’d rather go to work, Mark. It will give me something to do besides mope around and feel sorry for myself.” She reached up and touched his face gently. “I was just so sure this time, Mark. I just knew it was successful.” He pressed a kiss into her palm.

“I know, baby, I know. Lets give it some time and we can try again in a couple of months. I think you need to give yourself a break and just rest. We’ll talk more when I call you tonight. Love you!” Leaning down, he had kissed her gently then hurried out the door for his shift at the firehouse.

Kari peered out at the heavy fog and thought that maybe she should have listened to her husband and stayed home. Lord knew she was going to be late. She had been driving for over forty five minutes and work was only a half hour from her home.

Suddenly, the car in front of her, which had been merely a darker shade of gray from the mist that surrounded them, slammed on its brakes, the red of its tail lights going bright with panic as it attempted to stop. Kari buried her foot in her brake pedal, but it was no use. She knew they were going to collide, and as she glanced up in her mirror she realized that the car behind her was also not going to be able to stop and she braced herself for the inevitable.

The sound of rending metal screeching as it tore apart filled her ears as the airbag exploded in her face, burning her cheek as she catapulted forward from the force of the impact. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion and yet it was over in an instant.

Kari sat still for a moment, assessing her body and searching for injuries. Something warm dripped into her eye and she realize that she had cut her forehead. Feeling around on the front seat, she found a napkin and pressed it firmly to the cut over her eye, wincing a little at the sting of pain. Nothing seemed to be broken, so she unlatched her seat belt and crawled out the driver’s window of her car, which had shattered and spilled over her like hail. Shaking the glass out of her clothes and hair, Kari surveyed the damage to her car.

Front and rear were totally smashed in, and Kari sent a little prayer of thanks up for he husband’s insistence on purchasing the Volvo last year. “It is a safe car, Kari,” he had argued as she stubbornly leaned toward the cute little red convertible. “This car will save your life if you ever have a wreck, and I love you too much to allow you to drive that little death trap.” As she looked at what remained of her car, Keri realized with a shudder that she would have died if she had been in the smaller car she had wanted.
.
As she peered through the fog, she realized with growing horror that the wreck was more than just a couple of cars. Horns were blaring from up in front of her and she could hear cries and shouts as people tried to figure out what had happened. Behind her she heard a screeching of brakes then the solid “thump” as another car came upon the carnage and was unable to stop.

The deadly fog was beginning to lift and Kari stared at the freeway around her, stunned. It looked more like a wrecking yard than a highway. Cars lay crumpled and crushed everywhere she looked. Pickups and SUV’s lay on their sides or had climbed over the top of smaller cars, smashing them down like monster trucks at a rally. The resulting mess reminded her of a little boy playing destruction derby with his Hot Wheels. Only these weren’t toys.

As Kari stood there trying to grasp the enormity of the situation, she became aware of a large man approaching her from somewhere forward of her present location. He was clutching his head and her years of nursing training kicked in and she moved forward to offer him assistance.

She had opened her mouth to ask him if he was hurt and was taken aback when he shook his fist at her angrily and shouted “YOU! You rear-ended me, you stupid bitch! I want your license number and insurance information right now! That was a brand new car you just totaled, and I’m pretty sure I have whip lash also!”

Kari blinked. “Excuse me?! You want WHAT?’ She stared at him in disbelief as her own temper flared.

“I can’t freaking believe that you are worried about your car at a time like this!” She spread her arms out wide as she pointed to the wreckage all around them.

“Just look at this! There are people out there that have beenn seriously injured and/or probably killed, and you are worried about your blessed CAR?!!” Infuriated, Kari poked him hard enough in the chest to back him up a step.

“You are an asshole, you know that? People like you make me sick. Now get the hell out of my way or I will have the first police officer I find arrest you for interfering with medical personnel in the performance of their duties.”

Spinning away from him, Kari stormed over to her car. The trunk was smashed in and Kari realized that her keys would be useless to open it. Casting around for something she could use to pry it open, Kari noticed that the man, now somewhat subdued, had followed her and she had moment’s guilt for yelling at him. Everyone acted differently when faced with a crisis—some with anger, some with fear, others with denial—and it was unprofessional of her to not recognize this fact and show some compassion. Though her temper was quick to flare up, it was also just as quick to cool.

“I’m sorry, sir” Kari said as he stood quietly beside her. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. It was truly unforgivable of me..."

He shook his head with a rueful smile. “No, you were right. I am just so shook up and my first reaction was to blame the first person I saw, which just happened to be you. So to make up for me being an ‘asshole’, as you so eloquently put it, is there something I can do to help?”

Kari flinched at ‘asshole’. “Yeah, sorry about the choice of words. Guess I’m a little shook up myself.” She pointed to her trunk.

“Think you can find something to pry that open? I am an RN/medic and I have supplies in my trunk that I am going to need.”

The man nodded and headed back up the twisted line of wreckage from where he had come from. “I think I have just what you need—be right back.”

He returned in a few minutes with a small crowbar. Placing it under the latch he popped her trunk open as if it was no more effort than opening a bottle of soda.

Gratefully, Kari shook his hand. “Thank you so much. Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked as she began digging around in the trunk for her equipment.
He shook his head. “No, I just got a knot on my head, but my mama always said I had a thick skull, so I’m sure I am fine. If you don’t need me for anything else I think I will walk out of here and send some real help back here to you.”

Kari turned back to him and offered her hand. “I would appreciate it. And again, I’m sorry about yelling at you. By the way, my name is Kari Douglas. I work at Mercy General, so when you get the estimate for the damage to your car you can find me there most days.”

He shook her hand. “Naw, no don’t worry about it. I have full coverage. Who’s to say who is at fault in a situation like this? And my name is Jim. Jim Taylor. It was good to meet you, Kari.” He held her hand for a moment longer. “Say, are you married?”

Kari had to laugh. Gently extricating her hand, she nodded. “Yep. Going on six years now. He’s a fireman here in town.”

Jim grinned and shook his head. “It never fails—all the great gals are married around here. Well, I’ll be sure to send anyone I find your way. Good luck.”

With that he turned and walked back towards town. Kari went back to her trunk. Locating her big Mag Light and switched it on. Relieved that it was still working, she shone the bright beam into the dark recesses of her trunk, quickly locating the two duffle bags full of emergency supplies.

As an ER nurse, Kari had opted for additional training and had recently qualified as a “swoop & scoop” medic with the mediflight team at Mercy. As such she was now licensed to keep and maintain an emergency kit that included such things as IV’s, pain meds, and other assorted medical apparatus that were essential for her to perform her duties as a medic.

Hoisting the two bags, she criss-crossed the straps over her shoulders and across her chest, balancing the bags on her hips. It was almost an afterthought when she turned back to the car and grabbed the flares that Mark always insisted she kept in the trunk in case of an emergency. Stuffing the flares into an outside pocket of the back pack, she headed over to the SUV which was now buried in her back seat to check on the driver.

Crazy People

2007-05-11T16:02:00.001-07:00

I swear, I must attract crazy people. Seriously! They seem to flock to me like bees to honey or flies to sh**, whichever seems most appropriate.

There is this tweaker who lives out on my bus route and he rode my bus today. He was flying--not sure on what, but he was a happy boy! He kept laughing and mumbling to himself and twitching all over the place as we rolled down the road. All I could think was that I was glad that the voices in his head were telling him jokes or things could get nasty! Imagine if they were pissed off and told him to start slicing and dicing....!!

Then there's a former foster son that lived with us for about four years. His entire family is certifiable, but he does crazy better than most of them. Every time he gets out of prison he calls us and I put the house on lockdown. I'm not really afraid he will do something to us--he "loves" us in his own peculiar way--but I just don't think I want him around my girls if I'm not there. He's been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and I have had many phone calls at 2-3 AM where he is convinced that somebody is out to kill him at that very moment. He always has a laundry list of people I am supposed to contact in the local sheriff's department if he goes "missing". Paranoid doesn't even cover half. You know the whole Lacy Peterson thing? Yep, they were looking at him for murdering her. Russian mobsters dumped in the local reservoir? Yep, convinced that he had something to do with it. His last stint in prison he had a "vision" --ie, REALLY good drugs--and now he is convinced that he is the Son of God. He even changed his name! I haven't heard from him lately so I am assuming he has been locked up again.

Every day I see people wandering the streets that should be in homes for the insane, yet they are allowed to roam unchecked and uncared for. It is a sad state of affairs when people care more about animal welfare than the welfare of humans who are incapable of caring for themselves. My foster son should be kept locked up for his own good and the safety of the general public. The tweaker on the bus should be in a program to help him kick the habit. He's got a baby girl that was taken away from him and his equally screwed-up girlfriend because they were obviously unfit to care for her. How sad is that?

These are just a couple of the nutjobs that inhabit my life. There are plenty more of them were these came from, but these are the ones that I was thinking about today. Some of them actually seem fairly normal until you start talking to them and then you realize, suddenly, that something isn't quite right about them and you get that Twilight Zone feeling in the pit of your stomach. Yeah. Like that. Welcome to my world....

Rodeo Days

2007-04-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

Saturday and Sunday my girls and I learned what it means to "strip steers" and work the gate at our local rodeo. My girlfriend has been doing it for 17 years until she moved out of state three years ago, but this year she came back for it and recruited myself, my two girls, and my oldest daughter's friend to help out. We were the only all girl crew out there, and let me tell you--these girls kicked some serious ass out there! Whoo--hoo! Sierra worked the gate for the steers, while Jordan's friend Emily worked the "crush" gate that held the steer in the chute. Jordan slammed the pole through the rails to keep the steer in the front of the chute, and I "stripped" the steer of its protective head gear before sending him into the pen with the rest of his buddies. Jordan took her turn on the gate with the calves from calf tying.

Saturday was wet and dismal--it rained on us pretty much all day--and as you can see from the girls faces they weren't thrilled with it! Talk about cold! Brrrr! No shelter to speak of and we didn't have any rain gear.... Sunday was a lot better with lots of sunshine and a brisk wind to dry things out. We worked hard both days and I was very proud of my girls. For never having done this before they did a GREAT job and never once complained about being too cold or too tired or too wet to do the job. They enjoyed it so much that they are already making plans to go back for all THREE days of the rodeo next year! (slack is on Friday all day). That's my girls--cowgirls at heart!

Theodosia and the Serpents of Chaos

2007-04-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

Well, hopefully this link will lead you to a GREAT book by a friend of mine named RL LaFevers. It is her newest creation, and from what I have read it is absolutely awesome! since I have read everything she has written so far and have loved every word, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Theodosia is going to be just as great! Check it out!

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780618756384&itm=1

It's Getting Crowded In Here....

2007-03-15T16:21:00.000-07:00

One of the things about being a writer that scares me the most is that I am afraid that one day I will wake up and my muse will be--missing in action. Gone with the wind. Absent without leave. Vanished without a trace. Ok, ok, you get the idea.

Maybe this is because I am not so sure that I have what it takes to be a REAL writer. You know, the kind that has books published and sent out to bookstores so the general public can read them. Yeah, that kind of writer.

But today something happened that has finally convinced me that the well isn't going to run dry any time soon. I was driving in from BART this morning and I was thinking about this little town I found on a map one day. I don't remember why I was looking at the map--I think I was trying to find where in the world my cousin had moved to. Anyway. And I wanted to write a story about the town because I love the name and suddenly there she was. My main character. And the guy she is going to fall for, though she isn't crazy about the idea just yet. And his brothers and sisters. And her crazy family. And the dog. And a couple of cats. Oh yeah, another dog. And I am like "wow" and as soon as I put the bus to bed I had my notebook out scribbling down this stuff as fast as I could.

And now I know. There are plenty of stories in my head. They will come when they want to, whether I am ready to write them or not. But they are there. I am not alone. But with three stories on the board and one waiting in the wings, I am getting a little crowded. and now here's this new one, all shiny and new and exciting and I hear their voices and see their faces and I am doing research because the town is real so I have to have some reality in it and my other stories are sitting in the corners of my head, sad because I want to play with the new kid on the block and not my old friends. "But they are NEW, guys--I have to talk to them NOW so I don't lose their voices and who they are" I tell them, but they aren't buying it. I guess I will have to write some on them tonight or this weekend so they don't feel neglected....

But I am jazzed. I've wanted to write this story for awhile but I didn't know what it was yet or who was in it. Now I know and I love them already! This will be a fun book to write! Very snarky and funny, I hope, with lots of sizzle. Move over, Temptation! Meet Romance, Arkansas!

FAB-ulous Releases!

2007-03-06T18:55:00.000-08:00

http://deeanddeedish.blogspot.com/ Check out these great new books by two of my favorite authors!! For FAB-ulous reviews click on the link...

The Road To Oz Has Many Pitfalls....

2007-03-03T08:58:00.000-08:00

You would think that I had been busy writing my book, since I haven't been posting here at all for the past month, wouldn't you? Well, truth be told I have been writing--more or less re-writing the first scenes because as I have worked on the story some of the plot has had to change to work with where it is going.

Writing is hard. You can start out with a one sentence idea, but as you develop that one sentence you have to make choices on which direction you want the story to go. It's all about the choices, really. If you make the wrong choice, sometimes you have to back track and change things because as you go along you realize that something isn't quite right.

That is where I have been. Something didn't ring true about the relationship between the main character and her husband. The scene wasn't believable. I wasn't sure what it was, so I had to spend a few days mulling it over until I found the problem. My friend to whom I send each segment of the story laughs about it when she talks to other people about my writing. She says that since i am always changing things she just waits to read it to see what has changed from my last installment! But I can't help it. I know this is the DLD version ("don't look down", to those who aren't over at the Cherry Forums or He Wrote/She Wrote online classes) but I can't go any further with the story until the first scenes are right. Otherwise there is no consistency and I can't write like that....

I think I have it fixed--for now. Obviously this isn't the final version and I know I will go back and re-write those first scenes after I have finished the book. You really don't know how the story begins until you write the end. Weird, but true. Things happen on the way to Oz that can change the beginning of the story drastically, or maybe just subtly, but they do change. I'm not worried about it--as long as it flows and there aren't any glaring discrepancies I am ok with it for now. Just need to get the damn thing written and off my mind! I have another story that a few friends are clamoring for me to finish. Wrote about 10K or so on it and let it out for review and now I have people demanding to know "so what happened?"!!

So it is just onwards and upwards. I have enough stuff in the basement to keep the girls occupied for a couple of years. Once I get these two books finished, there is always the fantasy that I have been working on off and on for the past twenty years or so to pull out and maybe finally finish. I had to put it away again, after working on it for about a month, because I really don't think I have the skills to finish it at this time. I need to work on my craft more before I tackle it again. It is a huge story and it is really complicated and I need to be at the top of my skills to really do it justice. I love it too much to not give it my best.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road....

2007-02-07T22:02:00.000-08:00

After much soul-searching and plotting, I have decided that the story is going the way it is supposed to go and have started writing again.

One of the ways that I know it is going well is when I start getting sticky ideas and they work. Sticky ideas are something Jenny coined over at ArghInk about how ideas start sticking to the story as she thinks about it and begins plotting it. Only the ideas that will work are the ones that stick--everything else falls off.

Part of my dilemna was the fact that I wasn't sure I wanted to really break the couple up. Shouldn't I give the lieing, cheating bastard another chance? How many chances would I give my own spouse if I caught him cheating? Um, NONE! And when I broached the subject with the girls, my daughter's friend said "Why would she stay with him if he was like that? That would be stupid" so from the mouths of babes, yada, yada, yada.....

And so I press on. Wrote another 3000 words today. I realized that I had my main character leaving her husband WAY too soon in the story line. So I upped the conflict a little and gave the reader some more reasons to start to seriously dislike this guy, and the scene where she finally packs up and leaves is much further into the story. So it is better all the way around.

Oh lordy, look at the time--gotta go...

Training Blues

2007-02-04T20:29:00.000-08:00

I am so tired and it is barely 830 PM. I have been putting in some extra hours at work, what with training new drivers and driving extra routes, so by the time Sunday rolls around I am just whipped... But I need the OT so I can pay off some bills so I keep working the hours. I should be reading my mss and doing some plotting and I just don't have the mental capacity to even consider it.

Training a person to drive a bus is both mentally and physically exhausting. Riding around in a bus for 6 or 7 hours sitting sideways or trying to get comfortable on those hard seats just does my back in after awhile. So I think I will finish my blog and go to bed. Sad, isn't it? I didn't even go to bed this early when I was a kid! Gonna wrap this up...

Which Way To Oz?

2007-02-04T09:05:00.000-08:00

Well, not sure how this will turn out because every time I try to choose my font and color I can't get into the screen to actually write my post.... Strange.

Anyway. Been writing a lot lately. Have over 20K on the new story, which is great. Slowing down a little on the momentum because I am having to rethink some of my plot details and change some things to make everything work with the new direction I'm heading in.

For those of you who don't talk with me every day, this story came to me, pretty much fully formed, back in December. I loved it and started writing it and let my oldest daughter read it. She made a comment that had me looking at the story in a whole new light and suddenly it went from a fluff piece to a serious novel. Not sure if I am the one to write it, but I am giving it my best shot.

Because I changed directions, I am having to re-write one of the main characters who now has become an antagonist. Not so easy because I really liked the guys and struggled with making him into kind of a cold, arrogant jerk, but hey--you can't have it all! And I love the way the story is flowing and where it is going and it is going to be really good. But I can't help thinking that maybe I should have given him another chance. There is a part of me that wants to make the relationship work out, to still follow the original path. It is tempting. The story wouldn't follow the same general lines that most romance stories follow--I would be breaking some rules, but I think the story would be just as good, if not better, if I broke them and went where my heart is leading me to go. Damn it. Why can't they just play nice and do what I want them to do instead of acting like two year olds and insisting on their own way?!! Characters can be so maddening sometimes!! *grin*

So I am going to read the story again, and I think I am going to plot it out on a whiteboard with both scenarios and see which one speaks to me. Even my muse is torn. I can feel her vacillating between story lines and so I am going to sit back while she figures it out for herself before hitting the keyboards again. Because hey, let's be truthful here. If she ain't along for the ride it is going to be a rough and rocky road! I'm giving myself a week to sit back and look at all the angles before I make my decision. Maybe I will send what I have out to a couple of friends and see what they think. I'll let you know what I decide.

The Wall, Part Deux

2007-01-11T22:18:00.000-08:00

In a previous post, I talked quite a bit about The Wall tat is being built along Highway 205 and how I hate the blessed thing.

You will be happy to know that The Wall now stretches from one end of this road way to the other--as of yesterday, it now spans 5-10 miles of a road that I already despised. I don't know how long the road is, actually. I am too intent on keeping the wheels of the bus between the white lines to worry about the actual distance!! I talked with my fellow morning driver the other day about it, and he put it quite succinctly when he said, "You suck the seat right up there every day when you have to pass someone..." !! Had to laugh, but he is right. I would love to put a blood pressure cuff on my arm some morning to see just how high it goes when I have to get in that dreaded left lane!

Of course, my experience with getting side-swiped a couple of weeks ago doesn't help any. Now whenever I have to pass a truck, I have to take a couple of deep breathes to steady my nerves, and then I watch the truck like a hawk to make sure he isn't going to swerve into me!

It's going to be an interesting couple of years. If I can make it through this, I can make it through anything!!

Can U Get Away? by Kali James--review

2006-12-30T00:03:00.000-08:00

(I posted this review at my other blog, but decided to post it here also--sorry if this is a repeat for some of you! *grin*)

Well, girls and boys, do I have a treat for you! I have discovered a BRAND NEW AUTHOR, and she is well-worth keeping an eye on. Her name is Kali James, and she has written a book called "Can U Get Away?". Ms. James has written a wonderful story that is sharp and insightful, with in-your-face dialog that is straight from the streets of inner-city Oakland, CA.

Tess is a young mother of son who is trying to make ends meet on the streets of Oakland. She meets a man known as "Blue", who immediately sees something he wants in Tess and her son--an instant family--and he makes sure that he gets what he wants. Tess falls in love with him, even though he is a drug dealer with bad rep, and that's when things start to get exciting. She may live with Blue, but when the chips are down and she needs rescuing, it's Tony Carter who always seems to be there with a broad shoulder to cry on. When Tess finds out that Blue has been cheating on her all along, she realizes that she has to make a decision. Does she stay with a man whom she loves but doesn't trust, or trust her heart and go to the man who seems to know how to be there for her no matter what? Either way, someone is going to probably die, and Tess is torn between following the "code" or following her heart.

This is a powerfully written novel. The language is straight street slang, but that just makes the words more powerful. Ms. James characters are so true-to-life that they seem to leap off the page and into the room with the reader. The dialog between the characters is free flowing with the natural cadence of the spoken language. I became quite involved with the characters and felt frustrated several times with some of the situations that Tess got herself in to, but that is real also--I have a friend who is a lot like her! Anyone who reads this book will probably relate to many of the characters, because they are the kind of people most of us have had in our lives at one time or another.

I really enjoyed this book. I have never read urban lit before, but I thoroughly enjoyed my first venture into this fairly new genre. Ms. James is hard at work on her second book, which will continue with a cousin of Tess' and we will get to see how the story continues to play out.
I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for an exciting and interesting read. You can purchase Ms. James book directly from her, or I believe Amazon may still have a few copies left. Ms. James website is http://www.dash-entertainment.com/. Check her out!

The Wall....

2006-12-23T08:52:00.000-08:00

As you well know, if you have been reading my blogs for the past year or so, I drive a commuter bus over the Altamont to Dublin every day. I've been doing it, off and on, for about 6-7 years now. I drove it for the first time in the afternoons, and did so for about two and a half years, then I took a break, and now I drive the morning route.

Anyway. When I first began driving the bus, CalTrans was in the middle of improving highway 205, a stretch of road that runs from I-5 and connects up with the 580 at the edge of Alameda county. It is two lanes both ways and runs right through the city of Tracy and is an absolute bottleneck during commute hours. The decision was made to expand it to three lanes, and so CalTrans installed one of those white concrete walls down the left side of the freeway. It was a couple of miles long, and I absolutely HATED it! It bordered the fast lane, and I was scared to take my huge bus into the lane, because it just looked too small for my vehicle to fit safely between the lines. My instructor, who rode with me to the Bay and then drove the bus back with the people in it every day for a week, told me that it was merely a psychological barrier. If I looked at it logically, the wall existed on the other side of the yellow line, which meant that there was plenty of room for my bus. I didn't care--I swore I would NEVER drive in that lane!

And then the day came when I had some geezer in front of me driving about 40 mph. I muttered and cursed to myself, then finally I decided that I would have to do it--I would have to drive in the lane with The Wall. Taking a deep breath, I carefully moved my bus in to the fast lane, white-knuckled fingers in a death grip on the steering wheel, until I was safely in my lane and past the other vehicle. And I realized that my instructor had been right all along. It was a freeing moment for me, and I drove on my way with renewed confidence.

That was the past. For some reason CalTrans never finished the roadway--they made one lane and never connected it up through the bridges and it has sat there, unused, for about five years or so. Until now. Work has once again began on 205. Two weeks ago a wall appeared at the beginning of the freeway where it connects to the I-5. It was rather unexpected and caused some alarm and much hard-braking as the unsuspecting commuter traffic came to the turnoff and were confronted with The Wall. I had to do some scrambling myself to get over into the slow lane because this part of the road curves and I don't think my bus will be able to negotiate the curve safely.

Since then the road crews have been steadily adding to the length of The Wall. It now stretches about 3-4 miles and I am a nervous wreck every morning as I have to confront this monster. I cannot stay in the slow lane--the trucks often only travel at 40 mph and I have to get past them to keep on schedule. It is frustrating and nerve-wracking to have to putt along behind the big rigs until I hit the straight-away and can make my move. Even now, some five years later and many thousands of miles of commuting experience behind me, The Wall still manages to scare the piss out of me! One false move and I could be playing pin ball with The Wall and several cars around me as I bounce off of it's unforgiving concrete sides and go careening across the freeway into the fields on the other side. It is a sobering and rather daunting thought, and believe me, it crosses my mind EVERY morning that I have to run this gauntlet of terror! I have found that by taking a deep breath and keeping my eyes straight ahead, I can keep my bus moving in a straight line until I reach the end of The Wall. What horrifies me is that I think they are going to place The Wall all the way to the end of the corridor--every day they have added partitions and lengthened it by several hundred feet and every day my stress rises as I realize that I must travel further and further to reach the end and escape my personal hell.

Of course, it doesn't help that I got sideswiped the other morning while on the 580 going through Livermore. And the idiot didn't even stop! Thankfully there were no injuries on my bus and the damage was extremely minimal, but it scared me pretty badly--I shook like a leaf for about half an hour while sitting on the side of the freeway waiting for the CHP to make a report. All I could think is that if that had happened on the 205 I may not have gotten off so easily.... Scary stuff,this driving thing.

I guess the way I look at it is this: Either I will conquer my fear and continue to drive this particular route, or I won't and I will have to give it up and take something that stays closer to home until they finish road construction. Of course, knowing the state of California, those guys could be out there for the next 5 years, so I am pretty sure that I will have to go with option A and conquer my fear of The Wall. It's only a psychological barrier. Yeah, right! A psycholgical barrier that can have some serious consequences if I veer off the beaten path even slightly! Wish me luck!

20505

2006-11-30T22:58:00.000-08:00

Well, I didn't make it to 50000 words tonight. I did get 20,505 words written, however, and for that I am immensely proud of myself. I wrote over 7000 words tonight alone, which is pretty awesome in itself!! I am putting the old version into my WIP, and I am re-writing parts as I go so that it will mesh better with what I already have.

It's kind of creepy, how some of the stuff just speaks right to the new story. I forgot that I called the house "Aislinn" which is Irish for "dreams". So I just added some stuff about the girls in the dreams from Zari's story and voila! there it was.

I am glad that I participated in NaNo again this year, even though I didn't reach my goal of 50K. I have been sidetracked several times over the past month, what with overtime at work and my back spasm. and I have been having to do a lot of plotting to make the whole thing work together. It is so exciting as I get a new idea and realize how it fits into the story!

So I must be off to bed. Hubby has to get up earlier than me tomorrow and I need to get coffee pots set up and alarms changed... The story lives, however. It lives...

Midnight Madness

2006-11-30T18:07:00.000-08:00

The countdown begins--I have 'til midnight to get to 50,000 words on NaNo and I haven't written a blessed thign for a week! Ever since I found the old version of my story I have been re-evaluating the story and I suddenly realized that I can't get rid of the old version. Instead, it is going into the story because now I see that each of the girls has her own story. They all start from different places and times and converge in one place to make the ending happen.

Of course, , this revelation comes with an awesome amount of work! I have been doing nothing but brain-storming and plotting for the past week! I cannot write another word until I know where the story is going and with whom in the lead. The one girl that I saw as the main heroine has now taken a back seat to another one, the original girl. And I am okay with that, really. They are all such great characters and I am really excited about where the story is taking me.

I had a great complement the other day. I gave the original manuscript to a friend of mine and asked her to read it so she could see my quandry and help me decide what to do. She came back and said "I love it!". Wow. That was really cool. AND she said that I need to keep it, so that sent me back to the drawing board....

For Christmas I think I am going to ask for a big white board to go on the wall by my computer so I can plot my stories on it. But I am wasting time chatting--NaNo ends at midnight.

I'll let y'all know how I do!!

Lessons Learned...

2006-11-26T07:42:00.000-08:00

My husband went out Friday and bought himself a new truck. It is gorgeous, to say the least!

He has always owned Jeeps. In fact, we met because of one of them! I always wanted one, he had an 84 CJ7, it was love at first sight--well, love with the JEEP, that is! Him, it took a little longer! *grin*

Time goes on and he sells the '84 and we didn't have a Jeep for quite awhile. Then he bought a '97 slightly used and drove that for about five years. He convinced himself that he had finally outgrown the "Jeep thing" and bought a Chevy truck a couple of years back. It was really nice--'01,two tone, Z71 package, leather, extra cab, the works.

You'd think he would have been content, wouldn't you? I mean, the truck had ALL the toys, it was comfortable, looked sharp, everything a man could want from his vehicle. But then he started looking at Jeeps again and next thing I know he is bound and determined to buy another Jeep. This time, however, he says he is going to buy one and just keep it. Drive it when he wants, buy something else cheap to drive every day. We talked about it, and I said for him to go ahead, because I really do love Jeeps and wouldn't mind having one again.

So he buys this awesome Electric Lime Green Pearlcoat '05 Jeep Wrangler--heavy duty Dana 44 rear end, all the upgrades, 6 speed manual tranny. It was sweet! And he does exactly what he said he would do--parks it in the garage, drives it once in awhile, and went out and bought an '81 Corvette to drive every day.

But he's not happy. He misses his truck and all the niceties that he had with it and decides that he shouldn't have sold it and starts looking at trucks again....

By now I'm like "whatever"! The Jeep is worth quite a bit since he never drove it and it had LOW miles and we never even took it off-road (sigh). He did his homework--actually I did his homework--and researched trucks and values and where he could get the best deal. God bless the Internet! And so he went out and got a killer deal on a brand new '06 Chevy Crewcab 4x4 truck AND got a fair trade-in value for his Jeep. His biggest decision? The dealership had two identical trucks, one burgundy and one red. He spent an hour and a half deciding on which color he wanted! LOL!

So long story short, he should have never traded in his other truck and bought the Jeep. He would have been ahead in money spent and everything else. Of course, if he HADN'T bought the Jeep and finally gotten it out of his system we might be going through all of this again in a couple of years. Of course, that's not saying that Jeeps are completely out of MY system--have you seen those really cool 4-door Wranglers they came out with for '07? Yeah, they are REALLY nice! I could almost go for that myself....

Being Productive

2006-11-25T18:33:00.000-08:00

I had to work today--training new bus drivers--but after work I came home and decided to do some stuff around the house, since my husband always complains that I am not "productive" enough.... Um, excuse me? I think I am PLENTY productive, thank you very much!! I "produced" two beautiful daughters and I "produce" a very nice pay check every two weeks. I think I do plenty of "producing"!! *grin*

So back to my story. The girls left the garage door open yesterday and the garage had leaves all over the place. I was going to sweep them out when I notice the leaf blower laying on the dryer. Hmmmmm. I've never used a leaf blower before and it always looked like a pretty simple concept to me--turn it on, point it at the leaves, and blow. Simple, right?

Well, the problem is that the leaves don't seem to get the concept that they are supposed to blow away from me towards the street. Instead, they want to blow sideways into the neighbor's driveway, under the Corvette parked in our driveway, back up the lawn towards the house--everywhere, that is, EXCEPT where I was trying to get them to go!!

Now don't think that I for a moment considered the fact that raking the damn things up would have been a much faster and more efficient way of removing the leaves from the lawn! Well, I may have entertained the notion for a moment, but I was determined to make the stupid machine and those damn leaves do what I wanted them to do so I ignored my more intelligent self and kept on blowing.

My front yard is not big. It's only half as wide as the house and not very deep. I figured it would take me fifteen minutes, tops, to clear it off. However, that was before I actually turned on the blower. The nozzle kept falling off of the stupid blower thingy and I had to keep twisting it back on. Whenever I did that I would inadvertently blow the pile of leaves in front of me all over the place and I would have to start over again... All told, I think it took me closer to an hour to clear the leaves off of that itty bitty scrap of lawn!! By then my back was hurting and my hands were numb from the cold and I was thoroughly sick of the whole stupid thing!

I decided to wash my van also--something I NEVER do, just because it is big and tall and I am not and it is a pain in the ass to dry off. But it really needed to be cleaned and I even wiped the dog slobber off of the inside of the windows and cleaned out the old McDonald's cups out of the kids' cupholders. Yep, I was on a roll today!! Then my kids tell me that it is supposed to rain tomorrow....... Go figure, right?! Just my luck....

But I feel good. Even though it took me twice as long as it should have to clear the leaves out of my yard and my van will probably be filthy again by tomorrow night, at least I know I was "productive" today!!! And that's all that really matters...

11,000 Words and still going...

2006-11-15T21:08:00.000-08:00

I cannot beleive it! 11,053 words! Woot, woot! It has been flowing pretty well today. I finally dug through my folders and whatnot and found my old notes I have written and maps that I have drawn over the past many years. Imagine my amazement when I found my original manuscript. 75 pages, all typed on my old manual tyrpewriter. What a rush! And what is even better is that now I have all the names that I had forgotten. Names are a BIG deal in fantasy. They were hard to come up with in the first place, so I feel like I have found a treasure chest! "Onward and upward!" (CS Lewis, Chronicles of Narnia, 'The Last Battle')

Nothing but good times ahead! (um, thanks Jenny!)

I Know How It Ends...

2006-11-14T22:15:00.000-08:00

I am SO jazzed! I know how my book ends! YES! It came to me on my way to BART this morning. Driving in commuter traffic has it's good points--it gives me a lot of time to think and plot and work on dialogue while sitting staring at the car in front of me's bumper!

So as soon as I got to the station and unloaded my bus, I was grabbing pen and paper and frantically scribbling it all down while it was still fresh in my mind. It was so cool--I just suddenly saw it and KNEW it was right! It's been bugging me, how to make it original and dramatic yet stay true to the story and my heroine(s). I thought that Zari, the main heroine, would have to face the evil Magda by herself but then I realized that it wouldn't be right, that three of them have to face her together. The power of three, that sort of thing. Without each other they will fail but together they can conquer all... And the coolest part--I even have the last line!

Bob was talking about motifs over at He Wrote/She Wrote (www.crusiemayer.com). How to weave a motif through the story, helps pull it all together. Moot was a motif in "Don't Look Down." Cherise and Hot Pink (flamingos) are a motif in "Agnes and the Hitman". So I think I am going to use a song in mine. Huey Lewis and the News "The Power of Love". Cheesy, yes, but it will work. Of course now I need to find out if it is copyright infringement to use it or if some mention can be made without any problem or how that all works. Hmmm--maybe I should ask Alesia or Whitney. They have all that legal background stuff going for them!! *grin* (www.literarychicks.com)

So now I have a beginning and an end. It's the filling up the middle part that is going to be challenging! But I know where this thing is going now, so maybe the road will straighten out a little bet now.... Nothing but good times ahead!

Day 12.....

2006-11-13T03:24:00.000-08:00

It has been a challenge to write every day. A challenge, I am sorry to say, that I have been unable to match. I HAVE written more this year than last--quite a bit more, actually--and I am far from discouraged. However, it is difficult to sit down and write EVERY day. And most of what I am writing is just drivel. It's the boring stuff that has to go in so that there is a back story so that hopefully further down the line everything makes sense. Or not. Mostly I am just putting words on paper--or hard drive memory--so that I can go back through them later and make them into something more coherent and cohesive.

Of course, I can't write at NORMAL times. Oh no, not me! I could not sleep tonight--spent the day at the car show in Sacramento with the DH and DD#2, had a nice dinner in Stockton, came home and shared a quiet hour or so with DD#2 (something we do not often enough so these times are precious to me), and when it came time to turn off the lights and go to sleep--nope, it wasn't happening. So I decided to get up and get some more words written since last week I hardly wrote at all due to the back spasms that kept me off work AND away from my computer! So now here it is, 330AM, and I must go take a showere and head off for work. Gotta go make some coffee and see if I can make it through the next 8 hours or so.... Wish me luck!

PS--oh yeah, word count is now 7814. Slow but sure...

It's NaNo Time!!

2006-11-08T08:02:00.000-08:00

Well, I have committed myself to NaNoWriMo this month. For those of you who aren't in the "know", NaNo is a writing competition that a guy named Chris Baty started a few years back as a little writing challenge between himself and some friends. Since then it has become a national phenomenom and this year there are a few THOUSAND of us, including kids, who are participating!

Basically, the challenge is this: from November 1st to November 30th, writers are challenged to produce 50,000 words on a novel that they want to write. Some writers use this time to re-write a book they have already written, but most use it to write a story that has been sitting on the back-burner of their brain but haven't actually gotten around to writing.

I wasn't going to do it this year, but one of my Cherry friends (waving at you, Dee!) shamed me into it, so I joined and have been slogging away ever since.

I am off work for a few days because for some reason I have been having terrible back spasms since Friday, so I am going to be doing some major catching-up this week to make up for missing a few days because of my back. Hoping the drugs will enable me to sit for a spell each day in front of the computer. Hell, they may even make the story better--it IS a fantasy, you know! Might loosen up some inhibitions, who knows?!! Didn't the Beatles write some great music while under the influence? *grin*

So right now my count is a little over 5500 words. I know, I know, I got a long ways to go!! So don't be afraid to post here or at my other blog http://360.yahoo.com/menageriemom62 and cheer me on!! I need all the help I can get!!

Nerves of Steel

2006-10-13T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe not.

Somewhere, whether in my profile or some other post, I am sure I mentioned the fact that I am a BTW trainer. BTW is just bus-speak for a Behind The Wheel trainer. What that means is that I get to take regular folks just like you and throw them behind the wheel of a 40 foot bus and teach them how to maneuver the thing down city streets without killing themselves, me, or any innocent bystanders along the way.

Right now we have a class of five people who need hours behind the wheel so that they can go pass their DMV test and get out there and start earning a real living drivinig a bus for our system. What that means for me personally is that I have been putting in almost 14 hour days for the past week! I get to work at 420 AM and drive my commuter bus to the Bay Area and back. I take a shrot break and at 9AM I take a trainee or two and spend the next 8 hours trying to teach them everything I know about driving a bus.

It is exhausting, exhilerating, frustrating, and scary as hell some days!! Each day is a challenge, and each day I never know what is going to happen when I put them behind the wheel. Are we going to have a good day or are we going to crash and burn? The other day I took a trainee out in a 40 foot bus for the first time and we went down the freeway. As we are cruising along at 60 MPH I suddenly have this moment where I realize that I could die doing this! I mean, here we are--he's never driven anything this big, we are on the freaking FREEWAY, and if he panics or loses control I am going to be tumbling all over this big ol' bus as we careen off of the highway and burst into flames...... I almost lost my nerve. Almost.

A lot of fellow drivers ask me why I do it. Why do I put myself through the stress and fear and craziness? It's not like I am getting paid a lot of money to do it--I think we make $.50 more an hour when we are training--so why do it?

I do it because I love it. Simple as that. Yes, it is stressful and it can be downright terrifying some days. But it is also immensely gratifying when I show somehow how to do a maneuver and they go out and try it and finally nail it. The look on their face when they accomplish something they are convinced they can't do--it is the most amazing feeling in the world! It's that "aha" moment when a concept you have been trying to get across for three days suddenly resonates with them and you see the light come on and they just "get it". I live for that!

I know this sounds crazy, but my favorite part of training is when I get to be the trainer who takes a newbie out for the first time. That first time that the rubber hits the pavement and they FINALLY are actually driving the bus down the road--it is SO awesome! Probably the scariest day also, but it is so much fun! It's the day I watch them and get to know them and figure out how I am going to train them. Some are scared to death and grip the steering wheel so tightly that their knuckles are white. Some just go down the road and I can see that driving something so large is like a second nature to them--they aren't intimidated at all by the size of the vehicle, even if they have never driven something so big before. I watch and observe and give minimal instruction as I let them settle into the whole experience, and I find out what kind of person they are. Each person is different and learns differently so I have to adjust MY training agenda to fit their personality.

I guess mostly I just love to take these newbies and help them become a professional driver that is safe, confident, courteous, and responsible. I want them to feel that they can come to me, even after training is over and they are out on their own, if they have a question or a concern. I feel like they are my children and I have to raise them right! When one fails--and it does happen--I feel as if I let them down somehow and so I just have to work harder with the next one. We invest a lot of ourselves into each trainee--it is hard on the whole team if someone we put so much time and effort into ends up doing something stupid and loses their job because of it.

Being a bus driver is a great job. I wish everyone could have the opportunity to go through a professional driver's class. I guarantee you there would be a LOT less accidents on the road if they did. Maybe DMV should start requirinig ongoing education for ALL drivers as a requirment to maintain a drivers license of ANY class. It'll never happen, but it's a nice idea!

Anyway. So that has been my life for the past week--14 hour days, driving my commuter bus in the early mornings and coming back and training for 8 hours the rest of the day. My mind is kind of mush right now--I'm fighting off a cold also so I have hardly any voice--it's been interesting! Today I get a break and just get to drive a bus all day. Sweet! Then tomorrow it's back to training, and I hear that we have another clas of about SEVEN people starting up next week! No rest for the weary, eh?! But it's all good... Gotta go make a living now, drivng people in cirlces.

Banned Books Week

2006-09-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

Actually, I am amazed that there IS such a thing as Banned Book Week! Considering that our culture is struggling with issues like same-sex marriage, abortion, Green Peace, crooked politicians, and the war in Iraq, the last thing I would think that we would have a problem with is books that have some questionable content!! Hello? Has anyone been watching those Movie of the Week lately? Talk about something that should be banned!!

There is a list of 42 books that have been banned or challenged, some as recently as 2004, that are also on Radcliffe Publishing's list of the 100 All Tme Greatest Books list. How is that possible? The Great Gatsby is on both of those lists. So is To Kill A Mockingbird. Gone With The Wind. For Whom The Bell Tolls. A Farewell To Arms. The Call Of The Wild. The Grapes of Wrath. Catcher In The Rye. Beloved. The Lord Of The Flies. Shall I go on?!

How many of these books have YOU read? Many on on the required reading lists of high school and college lit classes around the country. I myself haven't read a lot of them--required reading wasn't an issue for me since I read anything I could get my hands on while in school, and we didn't have a list to follow. But I have read a few, and the ones that I have read are great books! What is WRONG with these people anyway?!

Basically, if you look at the content of many of these books, you will find racism, treachery, violence against women and other people, prejudiuce, bigotry, and a lot of other ugly human emotions that many people are uncomfortable with. But the truth is these books are REAL! They talk about REAL things and they explore REAL emotions and how they make us feel and what they make us do. And we don't always like to look into a mirror because then we see ourselves as we truly are and THAT is what these people who want to ban these books are objecting to!! REALITY. The ugliness in their own souls.

The authors of these books had wonderful insights into the human condition. They didn't back away from it--they explored it, felt it, shared it, wrote it. They saw the warts and wrinkles and instead of hiding them they brought them out so everyone could see and maybe learn from them. How can this be a bad thing? I would rather my children read about such things in a book and then talk with me about it than to hear these same things out on the street and not understand the reasons behind the ugliness. Because all of this stuff in these books? Still out there, still happening. Banning books won't get rid of the racism and violence, the hate that permeates American society even today. Books just bring it out into the open where we can deal with it and understand it better.

So check out that list. I think it is over on Google--sorry, should have looked at the link before I posted this! What do YOU think about it? Don't be afraid to speak your mind--what am I going to do about it? BAN you?! I think not...

Bodyguard of Lies....

2006-09-07T16:38:00.001-07:00

I just finished reading "Bodyguard of Lies" by Robert Doherty and frankly I am a little pissed off. The book was so good it was hard to put down--I have been reading it at work on little breaks, but I was so hooked into the story that I sat down today after work and just finished the darn thing! But Bob ended the story without ending the story, hence my pissed-offness!

Bodyguard of Lies is the story of Neeley, a woman who discovers that all is not as it seems in her world. As a teenager, her lover gives her a package to take on a plane and she realizes that it is actually a bomb. Enter Gant, a mysterious dark man who very calmly disarms the bomb and takes Neeley to live with him. Ten years later he is dead and Neeley is left holding the clues that will keep her alive--that is, if she is smart enough and resourceful enough to figure them out.

Hannah Masterson's entire life disappeared, along with her husband and all of their money, and she has no clue why. She is left with nothing but memories, and she is even questioning them as to whether or not they were real. Gant's death and Masterson's disappearance start a chain of events that brings the two women together in a fight for their lives. They have to learn to work together and trust each other, even though they come from very different backgrounds, if they want to survive. And always in the background is the mysterious Nero, pulling strings and watching how things ravel...

I highly recommend this book if you love mystery, intrigue, and some ass-kicking heroines! I loved the fact that Mr. Doherty chose to write a book about strong women who can take care of themselves without having to rely on a man to do the dirty work. I am hoping that the way the story ended means that Mr. Doherty is planning on continuing the story in another book.... I know that he is working on a book called "Lost Girls". I hope this is the sequel!! But either way, go out and grab this book as soon as you get a chance. It is well-worth reading!

Clutter....

2006-08-29T08:25:00.000-07:00

As you can see from the photo, clutter is a real problem for me. I don't store my saddle in the middle of the dining room--please, even *I* have my standards--but it was the only picture in which I hadn't edited out all the crap laying around my house.

I am a pack rat. I admit it freely. We were having a conversation about this over at the LC (www.literarychicks.com) the other day. Alesia was talking about how when she gets on a deadline everyone in her house seems to take advantage of her distraction to start piling things in places that stuff doesn't belong! It absolutely drives her crazy because she is a neat freak. Unfortunately I have the opposite affliction and find myself to be the "piler" and apparently I have taught my children how to be clutterers also!

If there is a flat surface in my home, you can be assured that there will be something on it! Now mind you, I always know where everything is! It's when I start putting thing away that I can't find anything!

Part of my problem is that I just have a really hard time getting rid of stuff. I still have notebooks from high school and college, for Pete's sake!! What on earth do I need those things for?! But if I were to get rid of them I am afraid that I will suddenly NEED them again and then they won't be there.... Yeah, right! When am I ever going to need notes on English grammer again that I took in a class over twenty years ago?!! Get real! Yet the fact remains that the notebooks are still packed safely away in a box in the garage....

I wasn't raised like this. My mom keeps a very clean house and it was pounded into my head as a child that "everything has a place and everything in it's place" and "clean up one thing before starting another". Unfortunately it all went in one ear and out the other! Probably the passive-aggressive part of my personality that clings to the angst of childhood keeps me from following through with what I know I should do to keep my house clutter-free, but really, that is just an excuse.

I have watched those shows on HG-TV where a professional organizer comes in and helps people take control of their lives by really making them get rid of crap that they have hung on to for years and don't need. I think my husband would weep for joy if I ever signed up for one of those shows!! The only drwback to the whole thing is that I think they only do one room in the house--I need them to do the WHOLE house!! Closets, garage, kids' rooms--everything!!

It is true that clutter takes over your life. I try very hard to keep up with it, but between the kids and myself I geet overwhelmed and just give up. *sigh* I need help! I've been telling myself all summer that I need to clean out my closet, but here it is the end of August and the closet is still a mess! I think it is hopeless...

Wants and Needs

2006-08-18T23:12:00.000-07:00

Today we went out and got our youngest daughter a cell phone. She turned 13 in July and her dad and I decided that she could have a phone of her own. Her sister (almost 15) has had one for almost a year and up 'til now I didn't see any reason for Sierra to have one also. However, she is in 8th grade this year and she and her sister have very different activities on different days and we felt that she needed her own phone so that, if for no other reason, we can keep in touch with HER! She had saved some of her birthday money and contributed $50 to the purchase of her phone. While we were at it I bought myself a new phone also--mine was old and persnickety and I was tired of hassling with it--sometimes it would just lock up and not work, other times I couldn't turn it off--I was just DONE with it!

This whole cell phone-thing has got me to thinking about what our wants and needs are and how they have changed over the past 10-20 years. We just recently had to purchase a new dishwasher. Not a need, really, since I have a double sink in the kitchen and dish soap is still pretty cheap. But definitely a want, because washing dishes for a household of 5 gets to be pretty time-consuming and really rather a bother! We went for a good three or four months without but my husband finally broke down and bought a dish washer. He was tired of arguing with the kids about whose turn it was and I was tired of trying to get them to wash the dishes RIGHT--"No, Sierra, you cannot just put some soap on the brush and scrub the dishes that way! Hot water and dish soap in the SINK, THEN you scrub..." It just wasn't worht it, finally, and I have to admit I love the new dishwasher!! It is HUGE and QUIET--aahhhhh..... AND my dishes are CLEAN!! LOL!

Then there is the whole issue of cell phones. Want or need? I leaned toward "want" until my kids got older and got involved with church and school activities. Now I think it is a "need"!! I know that I feel as if I am half-dressed if I leave my house without MY cell phone! I get a lot of calling done while traveling to and from work, and it is great to be able to grab my phone on a short break and leave a message on my daughter's phone if I think of something I need to have her do before she leaves school or whatever. Plus my phone has unlimited minutes AND unlimited long distance! I can call my friends all over the USA without a problem and it keeps me in touch with people that I might otherwise have lost contact with because of distance or whatever.

What do YOU perceive as a "want" or a "need"? It can be anything, really. I NEED my computer! I WANT a new one! LOL! I WANT to be a published writer. I NEED to write anyway, no matter what. (The published part would be nice, though!!) Have you changed your ideas over the years? Why? I'd like to know that maybe I am not the only one with these dilemnas!! Tell me....

Friendships...

2006-07-31T18:23:00.000-07:00

This a picture that I took last year of my daughters and "my" two other kids. The dark-haired girl on top of the "dog pile" is my oldest daughter's best friend. They met back in kindergarten and Kaitlyn lived just three doors down from us. She is as much my daughter as the other girls are! *grin* Even though we have moved and the girls go to different schools they are still close. The blonde is Jordan, my now almost 15 year old. The other brunette is her "little" sister, Sierra. And the boy trying to look cool is my other "son", Brandon. He and Sierra are the same age--13 now. He is over here so much that he may as well be mine! He and my son, Vincent (18) are good friends and they go skate boarding together or just hang out and play video games. He's a good kid 95% of the time--it's that 5% when he's NOT that worries me!! *grin* (Did I tell you about how he jumped off my roof into the pool? Yeah, you get the picture!!)

I look at this picture and wonder where my kids are going to be five years from now. Ten years. Twenty. Are they still going to be friends? Will they have children of their own? What does life have in store for them?

When I was in school, I couldn't imagine not staying in touch with my classmates. We were a small class of about 50 students. Most of us had been together since 1st grade. Our parents had gone to school together also--ours was a tight-knit community of farmers and dairymen, with a strong Christian ethic and morals that were handed down from generation to generation. We scoffed at anyone who told us it wouldn't always be like this--what did they know anyway?! We were the Wild and Crazy Class of '80--we would always be together!!

But graduation day came, and with it the inevitable changes that we all go through. Many of our friends moved away to Iowa, Michigan, New York, and Illinois to attend college. Some of us married people not from our community and moved on to other places. A girl who was my best friend all through elementary school and beyond moved to Michigan and I haven't seen her in 25 years... I realized the other day that the only people I see with any frequency are three of the girls that attend the same church that I do. I never see any of the guys other than Henry, who was my best guy friend in high school. (He has since married a nice girl and has four great kids that my daughters are lucky enough to babysit once in awhile!) One of the guys has since died from AIDS, and another is now blind because of a serious illness. But the truth is, we have all grown up and drifted apart, just like everyone said we would. Who knew?

There is no crystal ball that we can gaze into to see our futures. I'm not sure that I would want to even if I could. I kind of like the not knowing, the joy of unexpected outcomes to every-day decisions. It keeps life interesting!

So I look at my kids, and I pray that life will be kind to them. I hope that all of their dreams come true. I wish that they can keep their friends from childhood all the way through the turmoils of the teen years up into the roller coaster ride that is the "joy" of adulthood. (Being an adult is highly over-rated, by the way! I'd rather be a kid!) But if it's not to be, I just hope I will be there to help them get through it all. That's all any parent can do, really.

Digital vs. film....

2006-07-31T18:03:00.000-07:00

Here is another great picture from our trip last year. These are my daughters, Jordan and Sierra, posing in front of the Pacific Ocean out on the Oregon coast. It's a good thing that I have a digital camera now since, at last count, I still have about 12-15 rolls of film from the past 4 or 5 years of trips that I haven't developed yet!! *blush* Seriously, I do! I was trying to figure out what happened to some pictures I remember taking but couldn't find, and then I realized i took them with my Nikon and regular film... I still have photos from when I was in New Orleans last year after Katrina that I haven't developed!

The truth is, My Nikon FG with the telephoto lens is an awesome camera. It takes great pictures and I get really spectacular results with it. The only problem is that it costs money every time I use it! I can shoot off a roll of film or two, no problem, but on top of the $$ spent on purchasing the film, now I have to spend MORE $$ to take it in and get it developed. On top of that, if I want to be able to put them on my computer I have to spend extra $$ to have the photos put on a CD--it' just pricey after awhile, especially with the amount of pictures that I take! So I end up with developed rolls of film lanquishing in a drawer instead of pictures gracing a photo album... I am almost afraid to have some of them developed now--I'm not sure how far back they go!! *grin*

So now I shoot my vacations with my digi. I have an extra flash card in case one gets filled up, and I can then download them and edit them to my heart's content when I get home. But I still love my Nikon....

Mt. Lassen National Park

2006-07-29T01:18:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of King's Valley in Mt. Lassen National Park. Located in Northern California, Mt. Lassen is one of several dormant volcanoes that line the West Coast all the way up into Alaska. One of the great features of this park is the fact that you can drive almost all the way up to the summit of Mt. Lassen--over 8000 feet! Brr! There are also many geologic discoveries to be made--mud pots, geysers, sulfur springs--and a short hike can take you to some spectacular places! The views are amazing also, and the flora, fauna, and rock formations are truly inspiring. Located north and east of Redding it is a lovely drive and well worth the $20 admission. There is even camping in this park, and it is very peaceful. I highly recommend Mt. Lassen as a vacation destination.

Heat Wave...

2006-07-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

Surgery went ok, I guess. Bigger incision--makes me wonder if this hand was worse than the other or was it an "oops"--as in "oops, the scalpel slipped a little"! Made them take the half cast off after a week. It's just too freakin' HOT to have something like that on my arm!

California, for those of you who live in caves and never read the paper or listen to the news, is in the middle of one of the most severe heat waves it has had in the past 50 years! In my stretch of the Golden State it has been over 100+ for the past 13 or 14 days--after the first week the days just run together... It is so hot livestock, poultry, and people are dropping like flies. I know that I got called out to the ranch to take care of my horse, who was apparently over-heating just standing out in his pasture!

Of course, this was a REAL problem because the day I had to go out I had JUST gotten my stitches out the day before! So I took my daughter out with me to help, figuring she is big enough and strong enough to make Nakai (the horse) mind in case he decides to get stupid. He's a BIG boy--1200 pounds, about 15.3 hands. Let me tell you, that's a whole lotta stupid! But poor boy, he was huffing and puffing like he had just run the Kentucky Derby and was in no mood to argue with me when I walked him into the wash rack and started hosing him with cold water. Took about an hour before he was breathing normal again. Yesterday we went out to see him again and he was puffing and begging me to take him out. He walked like a gentleman all the way and went into the washrack--again--without any problem. You have to know, this horse HATES water and fights me every time I try to wash him! So I have been pleasantly surprised by his attitude, but I don't believe him. As soon as the heat is over he will be back to being an a**!

The girls and I are supposed to be leaving on Tuesday for vacation. Now I am worried about the horse and am almost afraid to leave him but I am hearing that the weather is supposed to cool off by this weekend. I hope so, because I have been looking forward to this trip for 6 months! We are headed up to Idaho, and since I don't have to be back to work until September I am going to take my time and tiddle on up there. Planning on camping at least one night somewhere along the way. Taking the girls' bikes along this year so they can pedal around the campgrounds and at my friend's house while we are there. She bought her son (who is right between my girls in age) a new bike for his birthday this month so I figure it is something they can do together. The best thing about it is that we are going to get out of this dang HEAT!!! But that also means that I am leaving the husband and boys behind to care for my menagerie... Hope everyone survives! *grin*

I may post from Idaho--my friend has dial-up, not sure how that will work. Otherwise, y'all take care and I will chat with you when we get back!

I'm off to see the wizard....

2006-07-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe not the wizard, per se, but the doctor is going to do her magic on my other hand tomorrow and I will have a matching set of scars to be proud of. I can't believe I am actually looking forward to this... It's sad when one anticipates surgery just to get out of the office!! LOL! I can't say I will be missing it AT ALL! I am pretty sure Modesto has cornered the market on stupid people! I have discovered that the ones that keep calling back really don't think I recognize their voice. I have taken to telling them, when they call back for the third time to whine that their bus still hasn't arrived, "I told you when you called the first TWO times that the bus will be there at X time--it isn't even supposed to be there yet!" "Oh". And they hang up. Someone today was prank calling--calling then waiting until I said hi and then they would hang up. After five or six times I told them, before they could hang up, "We have caller ID, you need to quit calling"!! Didn't hear back from them the rest of the day--and no, we DON'T have Caller ID!! LOL! Idiots...

I have been busy getting all the lefts and rights done for the new routes--the computer ate the first set I did so I had to re-do it all--that sucked! The last two days I was doing really important work--putting tabs with the route #'s on them on the desk copy of the ride guide and taking the old magnetic name tags for the bus board apart and putting new names on them. I did the same thing with the bus #'s---everyone say "oooooo" now!!! Think I am a little over-qualified for the job!

Finally got all my DMV crap straightened out--talk about a nightmare! If you want to read about that, you will have to go to my blog at http://360.yahoo.com/menageriemom62. Talk at you all later after the hand is mended...

As the Office Turns.....

2006-06-24T01:21:00.000-07:00

It is one crazy ride! I have been in the office now for almost a month--omg, how do you people stand it?!! WE are SO short drivers right now--several of us are off on medical leave, we fired about three drivers for various reasons, two are retiring within the next month, and one moved out of state. On top of that we have four people on vacation each week with two others off on requested days off. Add to it the 2-4 drivers who call off each day and you can see the dilemna! The head supe just stood there, shaking his head this morning, as he surveyed the board and tried to figure out how to stretch his driving team to meet the needs of our transit system today. We have almost no extra board left to take up the slack and so we are pulling in drivers on their breaks and practically begging them to give us an hour or more to keep the buses rolling. Fortunately most of the drivers I work with are team players and chip in as the need arises. But there is a small percentage of drivers who don't care and they make it hard for the rest of us.

I hate just sitting there while the supes frantically try to fill the paddles each day. I feel guilty for not helping, and I can't help but regret all the over time I could be racking up each day!! So I do my best to be support staff and make sure the phones are answered promptly, paperwork is filed correctly, and that the paddle sheet supply is kept up. The copy machine and I have a great relationship--I think we may be going steady...!! *grin* Just don't tell my husband! *wink*

The fine art of hanging up...

2006-06-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

You know, there is only just so much I can take, answering the phones every day at work. Yesterday I hit the wall.

I get the same young man calling every day about whether or not the bus has passed through a particular time point. Every day. Yes, I know it is him because I recognize his voice--hard not to when you hear it EVERY DAY!! Yesterday I was in the middle of trying to understand a program on the computer with the ops manager and the phones were ringing off the hook so I finally grabbed it and it was my little friend, wanting to know if the bus had gone by yet.

Now tell me this--why is it that this young man has the money for a cell phone but obviously not a watch?! The ride gudes are even free--he needs to pick one up so that he knows when the bus comes through that stop every day! But no, he wants to call ME and ask ME the same stupid question day in and day out.

I snapped. Yes, I admit it--I was rude! He said he had only been at the stop for a few minutes and upon checking MY watch I told him the bus had probably come through already, since it had been due there about 8 minutes before he called, and that the next one would be along shortly. Now this is where I got ticked off--he asked me to CALL THE BUS and SEE WHERE IT IS.

Now, I have no problem asking a supervisor to call a bus if, say, the person calling me was at the stop 5-10 minutes before it's time point and it's now twenty minutes later. That I can understand. But I am NOT calling for a bus when he can't even get his sorry ass out there on time! It's not my problem--he needs to BE at the stop BEFORE the bus is due, not asking me to call it when he wasn't there in the first place!

So basically I told him "no". Then he asked for a supervisor and I told him no again and told him he could just wait, the bus would be there in a few minutes. THEN I HUNG UP ON HIM!! Wouldn't you know it, the phones were still ringing and I picked it up again, and now he is yelling for a supe--I HUNG UP ON HIM AGAIN!! I decided maybe I had better not answer the phone any more and got back to the computer program.

Now mind you, my ops manager was standing next to me throughout this entire exchange! She never said a word, but she was the one at the window when the kid decided to come in and complain about me!! *giggle* She basically told him the same thing I had, that we won't call a bus unless it is extremely late, but she was a lot nicer about it than I was--hey, she gets paid more to deal with that crap, I don't, so she can handle it! I told her it was me--duh!--and all she said was "don't be rude" and let it go... Yeah, yeah, I know, and really, I am VERY nice to most people, but every once in awhile I just can't deal...

Oh yeah--and do you know, he called AGAIN, AFTER I had hung up on him not once but TWICE (before he came into the office, that is) and asked me for the time the next bus was coming through that location?!! I recognized his voice...

You can't make this stuff up!

2006-06-08T07:46:00.000-07:00

Answering the phones for a busy transportation company that still insists on personal service leads to some very interesting--and often mind-blowing--conversations. Let's take a call I got yesterday for example.

The lady calling in for information sounded elderly and had a very strong Asian accent. Now I am pretty good at deciphering most questions asked of me, but Asian accents absolutely defeat me! I put her on hold and tried to pass her off to our office manager, since she has more experience in that department, but I guess the woman thought I had hung up on her and called right back, and yes, I answered the phone... So. I finally figure out where she is going to and then she asks me what time the bus gets to where she is. I pause, and then I asked her the $100,000 question---"Where are you?" Her response? Are you ready for this? Drum roll please:

"Well, don't you know?"

I was flabbergasted! "Uh, NO!" "Oh, well, thank you very much" and she hung up!! I laughed so hard I cried! So sorry, I forgot to hook up my GPS system to the phone this morning! DON'T I KNOW?!!! Oh lordy, that was a good one! But it is par for the course. I think I am going to start keeping track of all the calls I get that are borderline stupid, inane, or just plain infuriating. Well, that would be about 99.8% of the calls, actually, so maybe just the really stupid ones. I figure if I start writing them down now, by the end of my light duty I should have enough material for a stand up routine! I could then quit my daytime job and become a stand up comic. No, wait a minute, that wouldn't work because how would I come up with new material if I didn't drive the buses anymore? Hmmm. So I will drive bus by day, and moonlight as a comic at night. Like I said, you can't make this stuff up!! Unbelievable....

Countdown....

2006-06-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

Here it is, the first of June, and the countdown to the last day of school has begun here at my house. With the end of the school year fast approaching, DD#1 is feeling the stress as she prepares for finals next week AND her big dance recital this weekend. Usually the two events don't coincide, but for some reason this year the dance company had to schedule the recital about two weeks earlier than normal and so the conflict. She has had two extra dress rehearsals already because she is in ballet and getting all of the choreography coordinated and staged is a huge deal in itself. DD#2 has her one and only dress rehearsal tonight, and since she is still in jr high she's not too stressed about the exam schedule.

DD#1 is upset because she has worked very hard to not miss any school, even going to school when she wasn't feeling well, so that she can exempt an exam only to be told that the two days she took off to go visit her grandfather who is ill--EXCUSED absences, mind you--count as missed days and so now she has to take ALL of her exams! Her teachers told her she would be ok, but the school secretary told her differently and since she is in charge of the program who can argue with her?! Well, I may TRY, but no guarantees of success there!

Along with the arrival of summer comes the oft repeated phrase "But there's nothing to do!" and "I'm bored!"... (sigh) Children are never happy! When school is in they can hardly wait to get out. When school is out they are always bored. I'd tell them to go get a job but they are both too young still... I had a job at their age but things were quite different 20 years ago. Growing up in a small farming town kids were expected to work. Nowadays all they are expected to do is stay out of trouble until they are 18 and no longer their parents' responsibility! (sigh) Gonna be a looooonnnngggg summer...

I should have stayed home...

2006-05-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I live to learn. Got my check from workman's comp and guess what? Yeah, that's right--I should have listened to everyone and not insisted on going light duty! Basically the amount of the check is the same as the net pay I bring home every two weeks after taxes... So now I am stuck in the office from 915AM to 6PM Monday thru Friday for the next four weeks or I have surgery on my other hand, whichever comes first. Oh yeah, the 915AM is because the OM figured out that I wasn't scheduled for enough hours! And this is with only a half hour lunch break! How do you people DO it?! I will go stark raving crazy working in the office for that many hours every day. A couple of hours I can hang with--I'm not feeling the 8 hour thing! There is a reason I drive a bus for a living!

Needless to say, when I go in for the next surgery, I'm telling the doc straight up NOT to put me on light duty--I need to have SOME fun this summer! *grin*

"Modesto Area Express, can I help you?"

2006-05-26T07:14:00.000-07:00

Well, today I sink into driver hell--I begin light duty, which means I get to sit around an office for 8 hours a day answering phone calls in which people ask me inane questions such as "does the bus stop here?" "when will the bus be coming by my house?", etc, etc. And no, I am not making these questions up--not even I could make up something that stupid! Patience is a virtue that I am going to be developing a LOT of over the next month...

There's a reason I choose not to work in an office-type job. The last time I checked murder was still a capital offense and I rather like my freedom. Maybe I'll just stick myself in the eye with a sharp pencil and then I can go home... Nah, they'd just tell me that I only need one eye to answer phones. Well, as the gladiators always used to say before they went into the arena, "Morituri te salutamus"!

New frontier

2006-05-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

Since I discovered that I needed to open an account on blogger to post a comment to a friend's blog, I decided that I may as well make use of it and post something! I already have a site that I use frequently, but what the heck?! I talk enough to fill up several blog sites, so I am good!

I am presently doing time at home recovering from carpal tunnel surgery--one down, one to go. I am a Cherry and proud of it (www.JenniferCrusieFans@yahoogroups.com), as well as a Cherry Bomb (check out He Said/She Said at crusiemayer.com). I am an aspiring writer with a WIP that I am very excited about, so I will be using my "down time" to work on it, now that my hand is better and not confined in swaths of cotton batting!

Other than that I have nothing of interest to report at this time, but my life is usually one big drama after another, so keep in touch! Never know when my life will go to hell in a hand basket!